3/16/21
Welcome, so glad you’re here! How are you doing?
I need to take a break from writing about ‘the past’ for a while so . . .
Do you ever feel the need to push yourself out of your comfort zone? If so, how does it usually go for you?
For me, let’s just say sometimes I win and sometimes there’s a learning curve, or lessons to be learned before I get it right. (Never say, ‘failure’, just ‘try again’:)). Occasionally the lesson is ‘don’t need to try that again’.
Many moons ago, when I took guitar lessons for the first time my teacher would invite me to his band’s rehearsals and he’d always let me know about their gigs. They regularly played at a local pub so I’d go frequently, and there’d usually be a friend or several to go with. There were a couple times when I went on my own.
Just recently my favorite local band was playing at a bar I’d been to before. I didn’t find out about it until the night before so didn’t bother trying round up friends since they probably already had other plans. I wasn’t intending to go but at the last minute decided to go out and have some fun, it’s been too long since there was live music and I’ve missed it. When getting ready to leave I began doubting if I had the wherewithal to go to a bar alone and to push myself that far out of my comfort zone. I texted my S.O.S. (Sister of Spirit) who knows quite a bit about my issues to get feed back. She isn’t a ‘yes, ma’am’ type of friend so she wouldn’t just tell me what she thought I’d want to hear. She was wise enough to ask questions like, “How are you going to feel if you don’t succeed or get the response you’re hoping for, are you going to be miserable and/or beat yourself up over it?”, etc. After thinking about it I told her the truth, I’m (finally) at the point in life where there’s more regret about things I don’t try as opposed to what I do try and may ‘not do well’ at. So, I went.
I pulled into the bar parking lot and could see the band playing through the window and heard them with the car window rolled down. I sat there listening while trying to raise the gumption to go in. Decided it wouldn’t hurt to pray for the band and others in the building, that they’d all have a great time and not do anything that would cause regrets later on, etc. Prayed for myself, that I’d figure out how to go in and HAVE FUN! After about five or ten minutes I was still sitting in my car in a bar parking lot feeling rather awkward, to say the least. Kept telling myself I could do this now since I was able to do it ‘back when’. After a couple more minutes I gave up and drove away, then talked myself into believing I COULD DO THIS, DANG NAB IT! So I wet back, actually got out of my vehicle and was within about five feet of the door and froze. Couldn’t go the last several feet. Finally admitted defeat, slunk back to my vehicle and then remembered, I never did like going to the pub alone ‘back then’ either. At their breaks the guitar teacher might come over and say hi and talk for a couple of minutes, but the band members usually sat together at ‘their’ table. The one or two nights I went alone the people I newly met, who I thought I would get along with, became problems instead. And so now here I was a couple weeks ago, sitting outside this establishment knowing there was no one on the other side of the wall waiting for me to show up, and that stopped me. I’ve gone solo to restaurants, movies, plays, and even all types of concerts from classical to rock. I went to see Jerry Cantrell when he opened for Metallica – I may have been the only sober person in a sea of ten or fifteen thousand others, and I had fun. But to go into a small bar alone, nnnope. I’m o.k. with that, though. Glad to have tried but now I know, don’t have to keep pushing myself to do that again! An additional tick on the upside is, another local band has released their schedule and they’ll be playing quite a few outdoor dates starting in May so I do have something to look forward to. It’ll be quite a drive for most of them but one of the members of that band is a relative I actually like so I’ll be able to push myself to go those gigs, with or without a herd of friends (hopefully!). Yay!
This incident of hanging out in a bar parking lot wasn’t a total bust, either. It gave me another idea, or rather, reminded me of something I started to do last year then forgot about it.
I love prayer because there is no humanly possible way I’d still be here without it. So I pray a lot now, for self and so many others. Last year I was planning an event to reach out to survivors of human induced trauma. There was going to be several speakers, vendors, this same favorite local band was going to play a couple of sets, and it was going to take place at a Fraternal Order of Eagles Aerie. Before I even had the venue booked I’d stop by the F.O.E. and pray over it and the event, the intention, etc. When the Disease-That-Shall-Remain-Nameless-In-This-Blog intervened and the event was cancelled, I’d still pray for the people at the FOE whenever I drove by but then eventually forgot to do that. Sitting in that bar parking lot reminded me of the intention to pray for establishments on a consistent basis.
So last weekend I was driving home after having a great time with some friends and decided to pray instead of obsessing about everything that was said and done. I prayed while cruising passed the place that helps battered women, and then for all the bars and churches (yes, churches – they need it just as much as everything thing else does!). While driving up one stretch of road a strong concern for the safety of some child in the area rose up, and I knew there was a specific reason as to why I was called to pray that night. There was an intense sense of the child’s desperation and fear. Don’t know if the danger they were in was caused by someone else or at their own hand, but I prayed with fervency and conviction. Not sure how it made a difference, if it completely stopped something bad from happening, lessened the intensity, and/or got someone through a rough time, but it helped in some way. I think I’ll keep doing that.
Thank you to all the musicians playing for the public. Whether two people or thousands come to see you, you’ve brightened their day.
Hope to see you here on Friday! Until then, I pray you see something (everything?) beautiful about yourself because you are beautiful, even if you don’t acknowledge it.
This song by the band Boston recently popped into my mind after decades of no recollection of it. I love the guitar on this! “We’re Ready” perfectly describes what I’m believing about life now, that all the work I’ve been doing to heal for so long is coming to fruition. I know there’s still work to be done and difficult times to faith-through, but amazing change is occurring because of finally being able to forgive myself as well as others. I now know I AM WORTHY (as are you) of receiving and giving love and am ready to take on all the blessings and dreams God has for me. Don’t know who all is on this road with me, nor even exactly where it’s going, and I’m realizing that’s half the fun of it all. Thank You, God!
"We're Ready" I'm ready for more The feelin' now that I'm beside you We'll open the door Do anything that we decide to And I know that there's something that's just out of sight And I feel like I'm finally seeing the light Holdin' on girl I know it's right I know it's right We're ready! You and I We'll find a reason To simplify a change of season And I feel like it's time we were off on our way We can go so much farther than we've come today Holdin' on girl and come what may Come what may We're ready! C'mon We can find a way We're ready now Catchin' a wave to ride on Steady now headin' where we decide on And I know that there's something that's just out of sight And I feel like we're trying to do something right Come on make it if we hold on tight Hold on tight We're Ready! C'mon We're ready We're ready We're ready, 1...2...3...4... We can find a way. We're ready now, oooh we're ready now. We're ready now. -c. Tom Scholz
