Hope

1/27/22

Hello Angel –

How are you doing today? I hope you’re safe and sound, and if not, that you have someone you can turn to for comfort, support, hope, etc.  There is a list of hotlines to call on the pearlunchained.com homepage if you ever need to talk someone and don’t know who to call.  The list is ubelow the ‘recent posts’ list. 

There are so many different ways this post could go – so we’ll see what happens here!

Well, first, there was what looked like a pretty serious car accident the other day.  For some reason, when I drove by it and saw the mangled vehicles it really hit hard (pun? :)) for me.

I became very concerned that someone I cared about was involved, so later in the day I started reaching out to various people I hadn’t communicated with in some form earlier in the day to make sure they were ok.  What bothered me, though, was there was one person in particular, ‘G.G.’, who came to mind first, but felt since I only have a work phone number that I didn’t have a right to call and ask a personal question.

And that really . . . leaves me feeing . . . well . . . I don’t know how to describe it.  Kind of like abandoned only not; almost the opposite, sort of, ‘cept I’m not trying to abandon someone, I’m trying to reach out and show care but they’ll never know that. Do you know what I mean?  Have you ever felt that?  And it’s entirely possible they might not need/want that from me right now. 

I always pray, without regret, for someone if I get the urge to or they ask. Sometimes it’ll even be strangers I’m driving by or walking past in a store. But with some people there is more of an emotional attachment, I guess you can say, and I want to know if they’re ok. 

I think what provoked this concern for him in particular was, a couple weeks prior I had such a strong impression he needed something. I’ve written in an earlier post that he’s someone who a friend suggested I may be a ‘prayer intercessor for’.  That means, perhaps, if there are times when he’s about to get into an accident, or is in some sort of trouble, or in intense pain or illness or something, I get a sense he needs heartfelt prayers to intercede on his behalf. (I pray for him daily, so this is an intense ‘extra dose’.)

With that incident a couple weeks ago, I messaged several good friends and a prayer line to ask that they pray for him. Didn’t give any details, just simply explained I had a sense someone needed prayer. (God knows what for – and that’s what’s important.)

(Thank you, by the way, if any of you prayer warriors read this!) 

To wrap that part up before I delve into the next connected part, I did contact quite a few people who could’ve been in the accident (including a friend of GG’s) and asked if they, their families and mutual friends were ok.  Felt kinda stupid doing that, but surprisingly everyone responded they were all ok, and even expressed gratitude I cared. (Whew!)

AND, as a bonus, they all said they’d pray for the people in the accident, so it was a win all the way around!

That all leads to myself (of course:)).  There are times I feel so overwhelmed (frequently lately, with what I’ve written about in previous recent posts) and just want someone to be rightHERE, you know?  Someone TRUSTWORTHY, who truly does have my back to help co-steer my life (or even take over the reins for just a leetle while).  And at times, when I’m feeling most ‘run-over by a steamroller’, I’ll be praying (or maybe not), and all of a sudden my heart will lighten, and I have no idea why.  I like to think someone who truly cares was praying for me, and it makes the moment and day so much brighter. I know I have some darn good prayer warrior friends, so thank you for always praying when I ask, and when I don’t.

But that feeling I just described there, sometimes that’s what I pray for others; that God’ll touch them in a way that lets them know they are loved by Him (and me if it matters to them). But really, it’s ok if they never know who initially prayed as long as they know they are loved and being thought about in that moment.

I just returned from running some errands, and while obsessing about this post realized that feeling I keep writing about is ‘hope’.  Sometimes, I’m feeling like I’m my 5 year old self, facing the big wide world; knowing the horrors and darkness that it’s capable of, yet seeking (wow – typo – was supposed to be ‘seeing’ but this fits much better) the light and what is right about it,  and wanting to revel in that. KNOWING light and goodness is out there, and trying to believe it can be ‘here’, inside my heart, and surrounding me; maybe even being a shield against the darkness, even if just for a little while. 

A safe place to lay my head and heart, and to rest, you know? 

Hope. And true safety with another.

At this age, I know Jesus is my hope and I have some mighty good people in my life, just don’t yet know how to believe if they’re actually here for me, too.  If you’ve read even just several of my posts, you know that’s an issue I’ve come so far in healing so I do have faith.  It’s just, at times, I wonder if I’ll ever have what it takes to claim it all.  And what if I finally do come to that point I can receive it all, and there’s really nothing; it was all just wishful thinking. Wouldn’t be the first time since that was what I craved so much as a child.

Wow, just made the connection!  I’m reaching Little Pearl, a ‘splinter’ of my psyche who has been hiding in the dark for most of my life.  She’s finally feeing safe enough to reveal some of her thoughts and feelings.  Hallelujah!

(I pray I can be who she needs right now, and to let her know it is safe, I’M SAFE, for her to reveal more of herself and memories.  If you’re so inclined, would you please pray for that, too?)

Been working towards and waiting for this for so many years; Hal-le-lu-jah! 

And now back to light in the dark . . .   

Hope is why I made some lights on a park bench my project.

I’m not sure why someone set it up to begin with, but several times a week I go by there to check on it and to replace dead batteries in the display.  It’s not mine, yet I took over the care of it because I want the lights to stay there; to me they’re symbolic of hope, and I want there to be a beacon of it when it’s darkest out.

It’s also why I have battery operated candles in my windows all year ‘round. Love to see the lights shining at night, and make sure there is at least one or two that are timed to come on when the others go off so there will always be something glowing through out the night.

Hope. 

If you’re lacking in it, please reach out for all you need; there’s more than enough to go around.

“Rattle” by Elevation Worship says it all. No matter how dead and deeply buried you may think you are, your heart and life are being resurrected.  Hold on, please, just hold on, and let a spark of hope grow.