10/27/23
Hi Good Person!
How have you helped someone recently? And while doing that, did you find you were helped substantially?
I’ve been working on a few different events lately, and I’m so grateful to the people who support them, and me, unconditionally.
A week ago the group of wonderful women I’m a part of who are raising awareness about human trafficking held a ‘plawking’ event where participants cleaned up a park. (‘Plawking’ means picking up trash while walking.)
I was so grateful for those who understood the concept, agreed that even though it’s not commonly ‘done’ around here it still was a good idea, and helped to organize and put it on. We even had one of our ladies’ husband and young son help for a while!
That’s something that still amazes me even though good men have been a part of previous events and I do understand that other men have other causes they support. But I’m so used to males proving how ‘strong and powerful’ (hah!) they are by making sure, at best, to never overtly support such a ‘girlie’ concern because other males in their lives might consider them sissies (even though boys are increasingly being trafficked, too). Some men have to prove how tough they are by only associating with ‘macho’ (choke) ideals like misogynistic songs, messages and jokes, or just plain being abusive, in order to stay in the good graces of those whose opinion they fear.
They may actually have decent hearts and be kind and supportive towards women who are struggling and learning to do better, or maybe they just act like it to laugh later with their macho ‘buds’. They’ll reach out to you until you actually respond to their overtures, and/or they’ll show they care in 30 second increments but if you don’t respond immediately then their barbed wire comes out again and you’re subjected to their passive/aggressive ‘payback’.
(Then they can’t figure out why you don’t immediately respond to another moment of kindness which comes much later, after they’ve deigned you sufficiently punished for a previous, imagined, blow to their ego.) They’re also ok with women pandering to their self, but their precious insecurities forbid you ever talking to another man.
(Sorry. I think I digressed to another issue here!) (Ahem)
Moving 0n . . .
So, to see real men showing up for these events with a sincere desire to learn how to help and even protect (!) children and women, including their own wives and offspring, helps me (and other survivors) gain a much better, more balanced perspective about their gender.
What I really appreciated about the women is their integrity and straightforwardness.
I love that with ‘M’, when our differences start to tick either one (or both of us) off, we can talk about it when we’re both feeling less touchy or overwhelmed with life, then let go of the frustration.
It’s amazing what a little communication with humility can resolve; that’s something I’ve been trying to do in other relationships, too. I’m so grateful for people who can handle genuinely honest attempts at trying to understand and heal instead of just letting a fragile ego dictate unrelenting offense.
(See? I AM growing up!!! :))
Another healing moment came after I made a comment that I was talking too much. ‘A’, who I don’t know that well so really didn’t expect this reaction from, said with directness and sincerity, “You have to get out of your head”, and not sure if she said or I thought it: “And let yourself BE”. Thank you, A. Really needed to hear that.
Several friends came to support the cause, one of whom, ‘B’, I’ve been sort of estranged from for a while now.
I was never really angry with B but felt I couldn’t trust her anymore for several reasons. We never discussed the last incident in detail; I felt she knew where the problems stemmed from and I just didn’t know how to look past them anymore.
B’s reached out several times to make amends but I didn’t know what to do with them, to be honest. I haven’t been so sure that aside from forgiveness, which she had, that I have whatever it is she’s looking for from me.
So anyway, she came to support the cause and we were able to discuss the issue in person instead of texting.
Trying to talk about problems with someone frequently shuts me down and I can’t communicate well. This time I was able to assertively say what the issue was. I could see B’s concern and regrets in her expression, and hear the sincerity when she apologized. There seems to have been a resolution, and I’m so grateful for that. We’ll see where our friendship goes from here.
This event is one more time where my intent was to do something positive for others, and once again God showed me how sometimes, when we’re just trying to honestly do something right, we reap blessings we never could have imagined.
Thank You, God.
And thank you, good women AND your men who step up to help further good causes (and end up healing others in unexpected ways in the process).
Who knows, maybe someday I’ll have one of these types of genuinely fun and decent men of my own to support me, and I him! Someone who I won’t have to keep trying to prove something to, when I’m never sufficient enough to heal his own scars and/or weaknesses that he won’t humbly acknowledge and/or take responsibility for.
I’d be grateful to help my future man heal some of his own issues, but he’d have to want to be healed instead of perpetually blaming me for being as imperfect as he is.
(Oops! Digressed again . . . back on track now . . . )
Witnessed another lesson in humility yesterday when my church held our annual day of celebrating senior citizens. We offer a free lunch with food brought in from a popular local restaurant, entertainment, etc.. It was fun (once I was able to see it was going well and could declaw myself from the ceiling, that is!).
Towards the end there was a confrontation when a woman thought she’d lost a couple of gift cards she’d won. She blamed one of our workers, ‘W’ who can have a snitty temper, for being ‘unchristian’ in her response. While the argument was escalating I was in another room just going about my business cleaning up when someone else said I had to do something about it.
(Why me???)
Couldn’t think what to say so I just grabbed W’s arm and pulled her away from the – um – loud ‘conversation’ while internally praying about what to do.
Separating the ladies ended the confrontation but what was really cool was, after several minutes the other lady was humble enough to come back to tell us her husband had the cards. ‘W’ immediately hugged her! And I thanked her a couple of times for being honest and letting us know, and hugged ‘W’ for being so gracious in the end.
In hindsight I can see where it could have been handled differently by asking the lady for her phone number and telling her we’d let her know if we found anything, but it just didn’t occur to me in the moment. So grateful for people who understand ‘Christian’ doesn’t equal perfection; amongst so many other things it means, ‘forgiven for being imperfect’.
Good Person, I hope your willingness to help others has also helped you, too.
I was thinking about using the obvious Beatles song for this post considering the title of it, but I just don’t relate to most of that song’s lyrics. “Lean On Me” by Bill Withers comes to mind & is bringing up some tears, too, so that means it’s a go. I’m getting better at being this kind of friend, and I hope to correctly and confidently figure out who are similar allies for me, too.
Thank you to Bill Withers for sharing his video!
