2/24/24
Hi Delightful Being –
(This was written for an article for the church newsletter.)
What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever chosen to do?
For me, it’s been the inner journey to healing and wholeness, learning to live and love. For others, it could be taking on mountains of responsibility for those they love who, for whatever reason, no longer (or perhaps never did) have the capacity to take care of their self. Maybe it’s trying to overcome an addiction, compulsion, phobia; or wading through a seemingly unending well of grief. Perhaps it’s adapting to or healing a disability they never asked for, trying to intervene for someone who is being abused or falsely accused in some fashion, or asking for and/or granting forgiveness.
There are myriads of difficult roads people chose to take in their lives that some may think, “Well, I/they never had a choice, I/they have to do it.”
No, we don’t. We can (and some do) run in another direction, pretend we don’t notice, or perpetually keep making the innocent pay for the sins of ourselves or others by not facing our own demons.
Recently there was a plea for help in a faith based facebook group I’m a member of. A woman wrote, “I’m in an abusive relationship.” Even though the group wasn’t created for trauma support, a few people (including myself) who may or may not have survived the same fate offered support and advice. Because everyone had their own path to take and one solution does not fit all, the advice varied greatly depending on each person’s experience (or lack thereof).
I’ve been praying for that woman ever since, and have checked up on her fb page a couple of times to see how she’s doing. She got out of the relationship and one of her posts was to the effect of, “Why do all my relationships end up abusive? Why do men always do this to me?”
I didn’t have the nerve to reply, “Maybe you need to look inside yourself?”
Yes, it is horrible that some people will be abusive and take as much advantage of others as possible, or, perhaps with denial or (intentional?) ignorance keep making others pay for the sins of those who hurt them, or walk away when needed the most.
But, as I’ve learned on my walk towards healing, people are much less likely to prey upon us if we don’t prey upon ourselves, or think we are unworthy of anything better, or chose to play the helpless victim card and are always looking for other mortals to rescue us.
Trust me on this – I’ve practiced any combination of those behaviors at various times – and still catch myself doing any of them. (That’s why we’re called ‘people’ and not saints or ‘perfects’, and our existence here is referred to as ‘life’ not ‘Heaven’).
We who feel vastly overwhelmed with responsibilities, or are survivors, or people in all the different forms of recovery have the choice to honestly look at our perspective and situation to change the dynamic in our lives.
When I got out of an abusive marriage I told God, in complete arrogance and ignorance, that in order to fix whatever was broken inside of me that made the choice I would do whatever He asked even if it took six whole months.
I don’t think God’s stopped laughing at that assertion since it’s inception in the previous millennium, and the process is still, well, processing. (Not to brag and all. Ahem.)
In all denial and human frailty, I had NO idea what I was getting into, and that’s a good thing because I never would have started on this path had there been any hint of what was ahead. (So see? Denial and ignorance aren’t always bad things! :))
And in all honesty, all along there have been times I’ve complained, whined, slid backwards, pouted, held impressive pity parties, yelled at God and others (especially my poor dog!!) and have made others miserable when the pain of facing the past becomes too great to slap a Christian smiley face over it and pretend ‘it’s all good’.
Aside from that 😱 I wouldn’t change this path because even though it’s taken quite a while I’ve learned, every mis-take, and doubt that we CAN do what’s asked of us, will become a learning experience and stepping stone higher if we’re willing (after kicking and screaming, that is) to allow our Healer to be greater than our fear and pain, and our Teacher to show us how to do imperfectly better than we ever thought we could.
Thank You, God.
Dear Heavenly Abba,
Thank You for never giving up on us, even when we do. Thank you for giving us the increasing capacity to love and help others as we come to let You heal and work through us. Thank You for knowing and, at times not so gently, insisting we can do better, and showing us how (repeatedly, if necessary!).
And thank You for being Omni-everything, especially LOVE.
Hallelujah and praise You for THAT!
AMEN!!!
