Can We Look Into Heaven While Healing on Earth?

6/3/24

Good Day Honored Person ~

Is there something that humbles you? I don’t mean humiliates or abases you; I mean, a truth that you never believed you were worthy of so you may have never even considered the possibility of it? Or, in the moments when you do believe you can attain/receive it, it causes a chasm of wonder and/or gratitude that goes so deep and is so . . . inexpressible that you just weep in amazement? 

There’s been quite the dichotomy going on in my psyche . . .

I’ve spent a few weeks struggling emotionally even though I know I’m healing at a faster pace than ever before and my life is heading in a direction I had hoped was possible but didn’t dare believe ‘for sure’. 

Do you know what I mean?

And even though I’m getting stronger in the belief that I (we ALL) have infinite value as God’s beloved child, the fears and doubts have been getting triggered leave me wondering if I’ll ever heal enough. A spiritual wrestling match has begun to defeat the memories of evil that I know God is greater than, yet can’t quite convince myself I’m free of. 

It’s as if misery, which has been a part of my life to varying degrees for so long, is fighting to keep itself from being replaced. 

And what’s kind of funny is, the stupid stuff I frequently admit to unintentionally doing has been amplified a bit while the mind’s been preoccupied with its own drama.

Case in point: The picture above is what I managed to do while mowing around that post that is so snuggly nestled in between the rear tire and mower deck. The only thing I could think to do was call a tow truck company and let them figure out how to fix it. 

The driver was so not impressed with me and the predicament, but between him and his boss they were able to move the mower without causing any damage to anything, Hallelujah!

(God certainly has His ways of keeping me humble, AND reasons to laugh, even if they are at my own expense 🙄.)

Anyway, pertaining to the mental and heart struggle ~ with asking for His help, God has sent some reinforcements to help defeat the oppressor . . . 

Several friends have randomly called or let me know in some way how much they appreciated something I did, or blessed me with things they knew I needed and they just happened to ‘have one they’re getting rid of’. 

Also, found a facebook post I liked and shared: “In case no one’s told you lately, You are loved, you are important, and you matter”. (And that applies to you, too!) I’m surprised a few friends responded by replying they love me! I had no expectation of that happening; will probably be reading that frequently.

But the thing God did that wowed me the most came about because I re-started an online class a couple of weeks ago called Prayers That Heal The Heart. I originally attempted the course during the winter but it was aborted when the coach I was working with had too much going on and couldn’t fulfill her obligation.

This time I’m working with someone who’s a bit more focused and capable. Even though we’re only a couple of weeks into the twelve week course I can already see where a lot more healing is taking place if I allow myself to lean into the process instead of trying to evade the hard stuff. 

(If you have the time and inclination, would you please pray for the me to stick with this???)

Something Dr. Mark Virkler, one of the creators of the course (along with his wife, Patti) mentions is the ability to see into the Heavenly realms while meditating and ‘journaling with Jesus’. 

I mentioned to my teacher that I believed it was possible for them to do, but felt there was a boundary ‘I’ couldn’t cross due to not being good-and-theologically-educated enough.

‘Teacher’ asked point blank if, after all the positive results I’ve been getting with the journaling and the love I feel from God as I’m doing it, could I believe God would invite me into His world. After a little struggle with the ugly of the past, the answer was ‘yes’. 

Coach then mentioned if God is no respecter of persons, and I believe others have glimpsed Heaven, then why would God exclude me (and you, for that matter)?

It’s a humbling and fearful consideration: What if God is ok with ME (and you!) entering into His Kingdom for a visit? 

After that question the mental b.s. ramped up quite a bit. And as I was journaling what’s written below, there was so much going on in my heart; more of the softening of a ‘heart of stone’ into a ‘heart of flesh’. The gentle breath of Spirit was whisking away some of the ashes of the past and causing a sensation that left my heart weeping in wonder and trying to fully receive what was being offered.

While acknowledging the fears that I was writing about, I also knew how the battle is going to end. I was able to contradict the accusations and fight for the truth of my infinite value, so the images of the hopes I’ve been holding in my heart are being released and I’m able to believe, in increasingly deeper ways, that they are possible . . . 

Journaling:

“Me, worthy of glimpsing Heaven? Wounded and wounding, defiled and healing, bitter and angry, desperate to experience real love in all its forms and not fully giving it ME? Really God? 

“The Bible does say I’m Your beloved child (as are you), yet why would You, Heavenly Father, actually want to spend any extra time with ME, Pearl? In YOUR space?

“Shouldn’t the mountains of shame from being child sex trafficked and used in sexually abusive material and all the other crap survived be too heavy a weight keep me down? What gall do I have to believe I should be able to rise up so high from under all that?

“And depending on the moment, aren’t I too needy, or shut down? Too broken, or arrogant? Too depressed, or hyper?”

“Could it possible I’m not too ‘substantially’ sized or too mentally slow at times to be welcomed by God in His realm?

“Aren’t I a sinner, and although redeemed and saved, who still sins?” 

“What if all this does preclude me from God’s realm as well as all I believe He’s been telling Me He’s doing for me? 

“What if I get my hopes up and try to enter into His Kingdom ‘now’, and then be admonished  because there are so many ‘practical’ things I should be doing and accomplishing in this moment, instead? And shouldn’t I take a shower and have my hair perfectly coifed, and face with all it’s flaws covered up in a seamless mask of make-up, done first? 

“Shouldn’t I be wearing expensive, stylishly modest clothes arrayed upon my body ‘just so’ to camouflage all its imperfections as much as possible?  

“And my mind is not fully focused on God and keeps wandering to other subjects (even, gasp!, judgement of others!), and I’m not fully aware of all my sins so I haven’t fully atoned for my whole life’s guilt in order to be completely cleansed of it all yet. 

“What if He says ‘no’ for all that? I mean, why wouldn’t He? Why should He let Me in? What have I ever done to deserve this? And He knows I could never thank Him enough if He did.

“So God? What do YOU say?”

He replied: “Jesus”.

Oh.

He continued (and He’s speaking to you, too): “Welcome my beautiful, blessing and blessed child; I’ve been patiently waiting for you to understand ~ you ARE always welcome to Me, even HERE, in MY realm of Heaven.

“Come in, Beloved; the lights are on for you, the angels are eager for you to hear them sing for Me, and there is a seat right here, next to Mine. Come, talk with Me. Let Me hear you, and equally important, may you hear, see, experience and receive the beauty of Heaven, My love, and wisdom, as we chat here in total openness and honesty. 

“And to remind you Pearl, you’ve been cleansed of all your sins if you’ll let me; after all, I did create you as an imperfect version of Me, and had My Son be a sacrifice to redeem you of all your sins.  

“I don’t even care that you haven’t brushed your teeth yet! :)”

Wow. 

So, Honored Guest Of God, what do you think? Do we go get a glimpse of Heaven? 

I say, let’s!

(If you want to walk some version of this path too, you can start by going to CWG Ministries and checking out their blog posts and videos about the “Four Keys to Hearing God’s Voice”. And no, they are not sponsoring me in anyway and I’m not receiving any financial benefit for writing about this.)

I’ve been considering reposting some of the earliest entries to this blog in order to update them on some of the ways I’ve healed since then. NOT to necessarily claim I AM perfectly free from it all and now living in a state of perpetual joy and love and forgiveness (I’m sure many would be laughing – hard – if I made that assertion! :)) But more to show that with time, patience, faith, humility and a willingness to honestly look at ourselves and our issues can lead to a life increasingly filled with love, laughter, purpose, and fun. 

While writing this week’s entry a poem I’d written as young teen came to mind. I can’t remember the exact post it was attached to, but today’s writing is the antidote to it.

“The Welcoming World” was written in response to a book I read for school. It’s also about ‘dissociation’ and the dark, pseudo-safe mental place I’d allow myself to be sucked into when hell was happening to me. It was a void where I mentally stayed, sometimes long after the abuse ended, in order to keep from experiencing the evil in the moment and its aftereffects. It was tinged with the darkness of the lethargy of despair and hopelessness.

The Welcoming World

Come girl, 
Come far, far away
Where pain is unheard of, 
and tears are not shed.

Come to this deep, dark world,
Where people are not destined,
there is no future here.

Come into this welcoming blackness
 don’t worry about love and hate -
In this world there is no fate.

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
Isn’t this grand?
This great painless land
No more crying
And no more sadness
Just forget about that life
And enter this new one

This colorless world
is no-one but yours
Don’t worry about intruders
 - In this world there is no such thing.

Just turn off your hearing
 - and close your weary eyes.
Let the cold black sea
Suck you into her womb.
Let the far distant voices
Absorb you into their melodic tunes.

No! NO! No!
Don’t listen to them,
those in the cold, hard world.
Just listen to us.

In our world you can forget about them
   they become a great silent mass.
We become your complete and only world.

In our world there is no hunger,
  no tiredness or needs.
Ours is a world of perfect Utopia.
 
Come!
Let us bring you into our deep, dark sea.
Let us greet you
Into this great,
 Welcoming World.

~ c. Pearl

The song that fits today’s healing topic perfectly is the wonderful “The Hurt And The Healer” by Mercy Me. I think you’ll enjoy it, too, and hope it ministers to you in some way if you need it.