God Providing Assurances, Via People Sometimes, Too (Including You?:))

5/23/25

Hey Good Person – 

How’s your week going? What was a recent instance when you saw something beautiful/heart lifting affirmation?

I’m believing more and more that God gives us many ‘God winks’ and guide posts when we ask, and frequently via mortals, but it’s up to us to notice and acknowledge what they are.

I’ve been blessed with a few wonderful God-incidences these last couple of weeks and they’ve been blessings and clues through yet another season of uncomfortable healing and growth.

Thank You God, and to whoever leaves the blessings. 

As you’re reading about these personal experiences of God’s love I hope they’re reminding or enlightening you of some of your own. 

He proves He hears and cares about even the simplest things, sometimes without even having to pray for them!

A lady in my Bible study class was given a tiny Jesus figure. I admired it, and in my heart coveted the thing – I so wanted one!

Then a couple of weeks later while doing my morning ‘journaling with Jesus’ I was sniveling (per usual, actually) about wanting some sort of irrefutable sign showing I’m on His best path for me. I can still be very insecure, wondering if any person or dream that matters to my heart is going to leave because I didn’t perform to exact specifications and expectation. It stems from being abandoned so often in childhood when I was left alone on a perpetrator’s doorstep to be used in ways no one ever deserves. And as children usually believe, I thought what was happening was my fault for some unforgivable transgression I committed. And even though significant progress has been made towards knowing the hell survived by any survivor is never their fault, that deep seated sense of abandonment hasn’t yet been completely eradicated and I keep seeking assurances that Who and who I care about haven’t left.

After asking for the affirmation I meandered through my favorite park, picking up some smaller bits of trash so wildlife won’t ingest it. 

When I grabbed a small, colorful item on the sidewalk to throw away I was so surprised to see it was an exact replica of the mini Jesus my friend had! (Picture above). I couldn’t not smile; I felt as if God was gently laughing at me, saying: ‘Child, I hear the desires of my people’s hearts, even the seemingly inconsequential ones because they matter to Me, too. You’ve been taking life way to seriously lately so here’s a reason to smile and have faith.’ 

Also, because no other person or animal had gotten to it yet, I had the impression He’s confirming I am on His right path and timing.

My wee-tiny-Him resides on my laptop and whenever writing/journaling/etc. there’s a perpetual reminder He’s here with me. 

Thank You, God. 

I like to leave things for others to find and, hopefully, be blessed by. A month or so ago I left items to be taken that were made from balsa wood. They had broken before I set them out but I’d hoped others would be encouraged anyway. They were eventually taken and I wondered if they’d been thrown away.

It was a pleasant surprise a couple of days ago when I found a part of one of those balsa items seemingly intentionally left on the bench at a bus stop I usually leave objects on. And right after that, when placing a book mark in a ‘little free library’, one of the books was of poetry and titled, “Pearls of Great Worth”; had to grab that up, too! There have been times over the last few years when I’ve found such delightful gifts that I feel like I’m being ‘courted’ – love that!

Now I have a wonderful trio of reminders that God never leaves nor forsakes us – and to keep looking for His signs and encouragement. I’m hoping this inspires you to notice the little God-gifts left for you, too; as is mentioned repeatedly in the Bible, He’ll do the same for anyone who sincerely asks.

Thank You again to God and to the mortal(s) who leave those items – they touch my heart (and whoever else finds them, too) and are always appreciated.

I’d been dealing with some pretty serious self-sabotage while working on the memoir and preparing for belt-testing for my martial arts class. It requires performing what we’ve learned before a panel of about ten or twelve judges who’ve earned their various degrees of blackbelts.

I’ve had many issues with the sabotaging in the past, frequently giving up on what I was trying to accomplish due to the relentless cr*p that goes on in my mind. Lately I’ve been pushing hard to not let the inner threats derail progress by growing faith that God is greater and will get me through safely if I choose to be more relentless than the mental b.s.

During the couple of weeks leading up to the testing I had a couple self-inflicted accidents that led to urgent care visits, and also came close to driving through red lights a couple of times due to dissociating. One of the three fairly substantial car wrecks I’ve been involved with occurred back when I’d just gotten into therapy; I drove through a stop sign during the brain hijacking of dissociation and broadsided an SUV. Thank God (again) no one was injured, and the other driver forgave me at the scene even though no explanation was given when apologizing. 

I’ve since learned to relentlessly pray for awareness and safety while driving during the more stressful times.  

During childhood I was forced to perform sex acts with males of the species in front of a room full of leering, jeering – um – a**holes, and now the part of the psyche that hasn’t yet escaped the past was associating those experiences with what would be taking place at the dojang. The mind was essentially screaming “Oh hell no!” and trying to avoid the evaluation in its own dysfunctional ways. 

But we can’t move out of a trauma informed/reactionary life when consistently succumbing to the self-protecting schemes of self-sabotage. At some point there’s gotta be a firm decision to ‘do’ anyway and to pray, pray, pray for guidance on how to break the opposing force down, and protection for the process when the bad habit doesn’t cede its control graciously. 

Guess what? All the persistence paid off and I was able to focus solely on what we were instructed to do during the assessment. I was told I did a good job and passed! Hallelujah! 

A couple of months ago, when at a bar with a friend to see my favorite local band, instead of gracelessly escaping when they began playing a certain triggering song I felt safe enough to stay and ride out the potential flashback. The effort was rewarded by breaking a proverbial chain that had been wrapped around my neck for decades and holding me captive to the initial trauma. And now with these more recent victories building off of that one, my heart and brain are being ransomed and beginning to increasingly enjoy this life. Thank you to those who stay and encourage through the complicated times – and to ME for not giving up! 🙂 

With writing the memoir, not to brag and all, but it’s taken over a month just to get the first chapter (ten pages) of what will probably be a twenty chapter book done. We (my coach and I) decided to do the book in four parts: “Hell, Hurt, Healing and Hope” so the first few chapters are playing quite the havoc on the brain and heart. More memories of the abuses and emotions associated with them are emerging, and I’ve screamed myself awake from some pretty intense nightmares. 

Good times, good times.

Thank God I’ve learned to deal with all that so much better. Don’t get me wrong, I can still get snarly and whiny at times, 😱 but the emotional fallout isn’t as extreme as it used to be and I’m not isolating myself from the world through the process. What’s also been amazing is the healing that’s occurring by facing more of the hell of childhood when writing about it. 

When ‘journaling with Jesus’ a week ago the image came up of Jesus and I slow dancing. He was so tenderly holding me in His arms and perhaps for the first time I felt an emerging sense of security and safety that most people can take for granted; I never knew I was craving what I hadn’t realized was missing.

In all the decades of life I’ve never felt safe enough to receive comfort and care when someone hugged me nor to trustingly lean into another. I’ve also never truly relaxed until I felt the security while residing in that image for those precious moments; it was such a relief to not be hyper-vigilant. I’m figuring out how to expand the sense of security with purposefully reimagining the vision and positive feelings. It also showed me what I deserve – the type of relationships that invoke peace and trust instead of fear and insecurity, and the longed for life I’m merging into while continuing to walk this path with God. You ‘right-for-me-people’ are softening and opening up more of my heart while helping to nurture it from ashes to beautifully blooming flowers. Hopefully, I’m learning how to reciprocate in some form or fashion for you. 

Now, let’s go out and about looking for our God-giving gifts and encouragement – we’re worthy! And if you’re thinking about one of your own run-ins with God’s extravagant love, care to share about it in the comment section? It would inspire others . . . 🙂