10/21/25
Good Day Good Person!
How are you doing?
This is an updated version of a post from several years ago. I recently visited a domestic violence support group again and as this is awareness month, I’m reiterating what was written the first time. I have so much respect for those who survived loving someone who, for whatever reasons, not only couldn’t appreciate them, but also tried to push, and keep, them down.
For all survivors of both genders and all types of abuses I pray we consistently remember: “’They’ could never diminish our infinite value, and neither can we. God created us as priceless beings whose immense worth can never be altered.
What’s something you did over these last few days that you’re glad you put the effort into? Care to share it in the comment section at the end of this post?
(Kinda wish I’d have thought of the question before I asked you so I’d have a ready answer! :))
Been pretty busy so trying to wade through it all . . .
A friend had an extra ticket to a Big Daddy Weave concert and asked if I’d wanna go. God came through twice for this event! The first time was when the friend insisted she wouldn’t accept money for the ticket. The second ‘God glimmer’ occurred when trying to park at the venue – and God was laughing at me the whole time! 🙂
I didn’t want to carry much so just went with keys, $20, and driver’s license. Got to the parking lot and it was a mechanical arm thing where you had to use a credit card to gain entry. (Oops). So there I sat, with many cars piling up in back of me, couldn’t go forward, and was too close to the pillar so couldn’t get out of the car to ask someone to move in order to back out. ‘Twas feeling just a tad – um – obvious and kinda stupid, ya know?
Don’t suppose you’ve ever done anything like that? (For your sake, kinda hope not :))
Suddenly, (cue the violins rising to a crescendo), an angel appeared! Or, maybe it was the lady in the car in back of me who was getting frustrated :). She asked what the problem was. Told her I’d give her the $20 if she would use her credit card for me (she’d make a $13 profit). She laughed (thank God) inserted her card and waived off the $20!! Thank you, lady in the white car!
Woo-hoo! Got to see a fun and inspiring concert I never would’ve gone to had the friend not asked, AND it was totally free! Thank You God, and ‘R’.
Went to my first wrestling match, too! The organizers offered Pearl Unchained to have a table at their events so I went to check it out. It was fun – lots of laughs! Didn’t realize until it was explained to me recently, ‘wrestling’ is not meant to be taken seriously at all, is family friendly, and shows how good conquers evil.
Have also started attending a couple different support groups, including the domestic violence (d.v.) one mentioned above, even though it’s been years since leaving an abusive marriage. I’m grateful the groups are available in most areas and easily attended, so any one can take advantage of them.
If you’re a survivor and have never been to one I highly recommend them. If the first one you go to isn’t a good fit then keep trying others; you’re worth taking the time to find the right place to help you to heal. Talking with others who can truly empathize can help a person express what they thought they’d always have to hide, and so be set free from it. It may not be easy but the best things, like gaining our own self-respect and ability to have truly healthy relationships, are worth the work and time to attain it.
Speaking for just myself here, it’s kinda hard to learn to trust the others since one of the biggest fall outs of abusive relationships is losing faith in people, especially the self and my capacity to discern another’s intentions. While processing some more of the previously latent fear that the marriage intensified, and the exponentially growing mistrust that began with the abuses of childhood, (sex trafficking and sexually abusive material, etc., written about in some of the early posts from mid October – mid November, 2020) and poorly chosen friendships in adulthood, I’m also simultaneously trying to learn to trust the other participants. It’s quite the dynamic to be working through, for sure.
And not exactly a simple process. Because of the inability to feel most of my emotions during the relationship with the ex (for self preservation sake, the subconscious shut them down early in life) I hadn’t felt the actual fear that living with him produced. Apparently, all of that had been tamped down in the psyche, waiting for the ability to accept and deal with it safely. Was clueless all that was still in here! Have been acting it out in real life by pushing away the decent people, especially men and great guy over time, but I thought that was all due to the childhood traumas.
Over the course of this healing journey I’ve repeatedly heard the analogy of how healing the heart and mind is like peeling an onion – we have to pare through the layers of emotional and mental wounds and defenses in order to get to the core of our truth, and act like we believe it: We deserve to be genuinely loved, respected and treated well by those we allow close to us. We don’t have to earn or prove our value to anyone; if ‘they’ can’t acknowledge that, we let them go to make room in our lives for those who do.
Facing the extent of, and conquering the fear and pain from the past is certainly not a fun and easy ‘row to hoe’, but I’m so grateful to be doing it. (And appreciate the friends who’ve helped me to laugh while working through it all!) The depth of these feelings, though so uncomfortable to experience initially, is showing me how much richer the capacity to love others can be. I’m sooo grateful to be able to experience that!
Feeling the intensity of the fear is also teaching me how amazing survivors of d.v. are (including you if you’re surviving, or have survived, abuse). My marriage wasn’t nearly as violent as it could have been, was over within several years, there were no children, and because I wasn’t capable of loving him like a woman usually loves her man, walking away was nothing but a relief.
It’s beyond my comprehension what it must’ve been like to have lived for years with the confusion, terror, love and loyalty to their partner, which is used against them.To keep having a heart open enough to stay after ‘one more time’ when the abuser promises to change, again. And/or the determination to maintain the status quo until they have a safe ‘out’ from their relationship. Then, having the courage to get out when the threats are all too real. All the while, for a lot of them, as they’re trying to protect children and navigating other relationships with people who can’t see, or frequently don’t ‘get it’ if they do.
There’s also the whole narcissistic aspect to many of the situations where the abuser keeps a false face that convinces outsiders how swell they are while they’re doing horrible things to their partner and/or children when nobody else is looking. So often, the victim is not believed while the perpetrator continues their charade with a self satisfied smirk.
Then, survivors have to figure out how to trust, one more time, when escaping is an option, hoping against terror the person they reach out to truly does have their best interests at heart.
Wow. Domestic violence survivors, no matter what gender, are truly amazing, loving, strong and courageous. Can only pray that someday all survivors see themselves the way God (and I) do. Amen 💜✝️
The first time this post was published: Earlier in the week I heard a song I hadn’t in decades: “When I’m With You” by Sheriff. Have since heard it on the radio twice, and I cried both times (and again now, while trying to find a good video of it). I don’t try to post videos anymore so you can look it up if you want.
I chose this song as I pray all survivors of all types of abuses realize they’re worthy of, will wait for, and can allow, a love like this into each of our lives (if that’s what’s wanted!:)), and never settle for subpar again.
This time: have to mention Big Daddy Weave, of course. He has several songs that would work and going with “God Is In This Story” (with Katy Nichole). The lyrics:
There's torn up pages in this book
Words that tell me I'm no good
Chapters that defined me for so long
But the hands of grace and endless love
Dusted off and picked me up
Told my heart that hope is never gone
God is in this story
God is in the details
Even in the broken parts
He holds my heart, He never fails
When I'm at my weakest
I will trust in Jesus
Always in the highs and lows
The One who goes before me
God is in this story
So if the storm you're walking through
Feels like it's too much and you
Wonder if He even cares at all
Well, hold on tight to what you know
He promised He won't let you go
Your song of healing's written in His scars
God is in this story
God is in the details
Even in the broken parts
He holds my heart, He never fails
When I'm at my weakest
I will trust in Jesus
Always in the highs and lows
The One who goes before me
God is in this story
If it reads like addiction
If it reads like disease
He's the One who frees the prisoner
He's the healer of all things
If it reads like depression
If it reads broken home
He's the One who holds your sorrow
He won't leave you here alone
God is in this story
God is in the details
Even in the broken parts
He holds my heart, He never fails
When I'm at my weakest
I will trust in Jesus
Always in the highs and lows
The One who goes before me
Always in the highs and lows
The One who goes before me
God is in this story (you're in this story)
God is in my story (right here in my story)
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jeff Pardo / Ethan Gregory Hulse / Katy Nichole
God Is In This Story lyrics © Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Songs, Meaux Mercy Publishing, Meaux Mercy, Centricity Songs, Be Essential Songs