Cast of Characters In My Mind – These are the parts of Pearl’s psyche that were ‘splintered off’ due to abuse. (For a more detailed explanation, see “Dissociation” post dated 10/14/20.) Pearl has been working diligently to heal and integrate these different aspects of self in order to have a more cohesive mind (and heart):
Little Pearl (L.P.) – the youngest version of Pearl spanning the infancy to 7 +/- years old era. She has survived some horrific experiences & is deeply wounded, but is also willing to trust the right people and just wants to love and be loved safely.
Grace – her era is from 7 or 8 years old to older teenager. She survived some horrible abuses, too, with the ‘next generation’. Grace did everything she could to shut down her feelings and was eventually successful. She’s terrified of being noticed and wants to have all the fun she missed out on the first time because of the abuse.
Michael – is the protector/bully part of the psyche that can make pretty nasty comments to Pearl internally & plays evasive games with others externally if he perceives her heart is in danger due to starting to trust others. He’s especially defensive towards truly decent men and even more so if she’s attracted to one.
Elder Pearl (E.P.) – is the usual writer of this blog. She’s the adult who is trying (and succeeding, finally!!) to integrate these pieces of her psyche.
Great Guy (GG) is a truly decent man I met several years ago who quickly became one of my greatest life teachers (even though he never asked to be). He holds up a proverbial mirror with which I began to see how I could treat good men I truly cared about, and I didn’t like what was reflected. Because of how a part of my psyche (and heart) started trusting him like I’ve rarely ever done with any man, the ‘Michael’ splinter rears his self-protective shield whenever GG is around. Essentially, it was because the men I loved and repeatedly tried to trust in childhood who hurt me the most, and the world thought they were ‘swell’ and upstanding. ’Michael’ came to associate trust (of even truly good men) with pain, so when GG started getting into my heart, Michael quickly became active and defensive. I’m doing all I can to heal this. GG is written about frequently because this is the area of my life that still needs the most healing.
Beautiful – occasional narrator/wisdom sharer. Her story is told in the 10/9/20 post titled “Beautiful’s Story”.
Work In Progress (WIP) – what I am & will gratefully always be.
***You can find more information on these characters in the blog post titled, “Cast of Characters in My Mind”***
