Tues., 6/29/21
I am not a mental health professional. This blog is my story and actions and I am not implying what works for me will work for you. Please seek mental or medical treatment if you have concerns about your own health. You’re worthy of doing that for you!
Good day, Good Person! How’re you doing?
Do you know you’ve got something beautiful to look at right now? If you can’t see something right in front of you (and even if you can) then go look in a mirror. I hope you’ll see there what God and I do – a worthy-of-good-and-is-beautiful-inside-and-out You!
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago (‘Hearing Grace’, 6/22/21) that I had started my own version of a fast and why. Wasn’t sure how long it would last but wanted to take it as far as possible in an effort to go deeper towards the core of the issues mentioned in that post. I’m also breaking the compulsion of reaching for food in order to bury any thought and feeling that’s uncomfortable.
The fast is continuing and I’m hoping to take it to forty days in a Lenten sort of way. Are you familiar with that? A person abstains for six days from whatever they’ve given up, then takes one day off and repeats that cycle until they’ve fasted for forty out of 45 days. Gonna see if I have the wherewithal to follow through on this!
I’m into the third week now and have been making some good progress (Woo-hoo!). I’m increasingly accepting how loved I am by my Higher Power because of spending extra time in prayer. I’m sensing His Spirit in my heart in a clearer way as He’s guiding and encouraging me.
Have been able to better accept instead of dread my own trauma-induced idiosyncrasies and learning to treat self with the love and respect deserved by practicing healthier ways of coping with the anger and pain that’s surfacing. Instead of self-harming, eating and ‘vegging out’ too much, I’ve called the crisis line once and have been listening to, reading and receiving into my heart and psyche positive talks and books. I’ve been crying in grief and even more so in humble amazement when I accept in new ways that I am worthy of goodness and love. I’m consistently remembering to look for things to be grateful for and to keep the faith that God is following through on His promises as I am ready to accept them. I’ve actually even been able to imagine a whole complete scenario where a good man (Great Guy, (G.G.) of course) could treat me well because he genuinely cares and not as a prelude to abuse or getting something he wants from me. I’ve already been imagining various wonderful things I’ll be happy to do for a truly loving man.
Yaaaay! I’m growing up!
An added benefit to this fast is, it seems as if there are a few opportunities popping up to learn more about healing from the issues this fast is about, and to connect with others on similar journeys. For example . . .
I was notified about a Zoom presentation that WAR (Women At Risk International) put on. It was so enlightening. The topic was about being married to a survivor of sex trafficking and how they make it work with love and acceptance. There was one featured couple talking and several others listening and offering their experiences as hope and guidance.
For so many reasons, in spite of having faith I could be loved by a man for who I am, flaws and all, I obviously never really believed it as is evidenced by rejecting Great Guy’s kindnesses over the last couple of years. Deep down I’ve believed I’m too, well, ‘too’ everything: much trouble, broken, flawed, ‘different’, unloveable, etc.. It’s a major reason why I haven’t even wanted to date anyone except G. G. for a very long time. Never could imagine a man would ever want to deal with my wounded reactions until I could trust them enough to let down my guard and love and be there for them the way I truly want to and know I am capable of.
And with all I’ve been doing these last couple of decades to heal, I’ve met many survivors in marriages where the relationships aren’t working for one or both spouses but they’re too complacent, afraid, or angry to change. Either it was the woman settling for a crap relationship because she thinks it’s all she can do/is worthy of/won’t live alone, or what I perceived as the man keeps paying for the sins of those who hurt their wives. I’d rather not be a participant in any of these scenarios but couldn’t believe I was capable of or worthy of anything better.
Listening to these couples, though, showed how much men can love their woman even with, or maybe because of, their wounds and willingness and effort they put into healing and loving them back. And it’s not that the men are passively putting up with their wives anger. It’s more about the husbands understanding that what their wives are beautiful hearted, amazing women with wounds that the men are willing to help heal because they love enough to want to walk along side of and be a part of the journey that helps the women become all they can be.
The men have healthy enough egos to know that when their wives are hurting, and therefore unable to be ‘perfect’ for them, that it isn’t about the husband. The wives are just responding to the horrendous acts that were perpetuated against them and they trust their man enough to understand and to allow them to be who they are in that moment, until they can heal and do better.
None of the men are perfect, of course, and it seemed like they each had their own past traumas. Perhaps that’s a couple of reasons why they could understand and love their ladies so well.
I asked the husband what kept him believing in the possibility of a relationship with his future bride when she was initially so resistant for so long, and he essentially said he just knew what was right and wouldn’t give up. He was persistent in a patient, loving, compassionate, gentle way, as were the other husbands.
Asked his wife how she was able to realize she was worthy of his love, and she said others convinced her, and the fact that he was always by her side as a friend when she needed someone in spite of how she treated him sometimes. When she finally realized she could trust him (as much as possible, anyway) she was ready to accept his love. They also said that trust has to be continually reinforced, and they are both willing to work on it for as long as it takes.
They discussed how many different triggers a survivor can have and how they work around them, and several other topics. It was beautiful to see how these couples could be their real selves with each other and the complete acceptance and trust they’ve attained inside their relationships. It’s not something I’ve witnessed in many supposedly ‘normal’ marriages.
WAR offers these live programs on a monthly basis so if you think you might be interested in the next one, which will have a different theme, you can look them up on line (Woman At Risk International) or call them at (616) 855-0796.
WAR is also involved with rescuing children from the sex trade business. A statistic they mentioned was, 95% of all the people who are coerced into sex trafficking know their perpetrator. It could be a family member, someone they’ve met on line, a class mate, supposed friend, etc.. That means only 5% of the victims are actually kidnapped.
I wish I had the time and tomes to tell you some of the ways to spot a victim that hasn’t been rescued yet, but WAR has some of that info on their site. (Trust me, it’s more prevalent than anyone wants to think.)
If you do suspect a trafficking situation you can call the Human Trafficking Hotline at (888)-373-7888, or text them at 233733.
I hope you have some delightful times until we meet again! And in case you need to be reminded, we are all worthy of hope. What do you hope for?
Today’s song is “Priceless” by For King and Country and it’s from the movie of the same name. “Priceless” is about people who are trafficked and that whatever happened to them does not diminish their inherent value in any way.
So grateful for the people who are capable of accepting what sex trafficking is and are willing to do what it takes to educate the public and rescue the victims of it. I hope to be one of them, soon.
Priceless By: For King and Country Mirror, mirror Mirror on the wall Telling those lies, pointing out your flaws, that isn't who you are That isn't who you are It might be hard to hear But let me tell you dear If you could see what I can see I know you would believe that isn't who you are There's more to who you are So when it's late You're wide awake Too much to take Don't you dare forget that in the pain You can be brave, and safe I see you dressed in white Every wrong made right I see a rose in bloom At the sight of you (oh, so priceless!) Irreplaceable, unmistakeable, incomparable, darling it's beautiful! I see it all in you (oh, so priceless!) No matter what you've heard This is what you're worth More than all the money or the diamonds and pearls Oh, this is who you are Yeah, this is who you are So when it's late You're wide awake Too much to take Don't you dare forget that in the pain You can be brave, and safe I see you dressed in white Every wrong made right I see a rose in bloom At the sight of you (oh, so priceless!) Irreplaceable, unmistakable, incomparable, darling it's beautiful! I see it all in you, (oh, so priceless!) Sisters, we can start again Give honor to the end, love We can start again Brothers, we can start again Give honor to the end, yeah We can start again I see you dressed in white Every wrong made right I see a rose in bloom At the sight of you (oh, so priceless!) Irreplaceable, unmistakeable, incomparable, darling it's beautiful! I see it all in you (oh, so priceless!) (Yeah!) I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right I see a rose in bloom, at the sight of you I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right I see a rose in bloom, at the sight of you I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right I see a rose in bloom, at the sight of you I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right Oh, so priceless! Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Seth Mosley / Joel Smallbone / Luke Smallbone / Tedd Andrew Tjornhom / Benjamin Backus Priceless lyrics © Wb Music Corp., Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Shankel Songs, Method To The Madness, Kilns Music
fantastіc issues alt᧐ɡether, you simply won a new reader.
What may you suggest about ʏour post that you
made a few days in the past? Αny positivе?
Thank you for looking at the blog and being a new reader; I appreciate your kind words. Not sure which post you’re referring to, would you please clarify that for me?
The fast sounds interesting. Glad you experiencing clarity & connectedness with GOD
Thank you. And thank you for reading!