2/15/22
Good day, Good Person,
How are you doing? Did you celebrate this past holiday of Valentine’s Day, struggle through it, or both?
I’ll be honest (as usual!) it’s a hard one for me, so this year I decided to try not to be so pathetic about it by being grateful for the love of friends and sent some of them cards of appreciation. (And I included myself as a friend, and card recipient, too – huzzah! :))
Still feel the pinch of wanting to experience the romantic kind of love in a healing and truly caring and loving sort of way, and am keeping the faith (imperfectly!) that when the time is right and I’m capable the right guy’ll be here, and I receive him and give him all he’s worthy of, too. In the meantime, I’m learning my own depth of value and that’s something no other person can bestow upon me. If/when a relationship happens we will appreciate and celebrate each other’s infinite worth instead of us constantly looking to the other for doing the impossible – validating our individual existence and making us perpetually happy.
Ok, enough of that!
Now let’s talk about our love of music. Is it an important part of your life? Either way, is there a specific song that you feel influenced your life in a positive way, perhaps helped heal you in a way you never expected? If so, would you be inclined to leave a note in the comment section at the bottom of this page telling which song, and why? (You may have to scroll down a little bit to see the area.)
There’s one specific rock song that’s like that for me. I decided to learn to play it on guitar and told myself I couldn’t put it in the blog until I could play it.
(So glad I never specified I had to perform it well before it was included! I do know what all the chords and notes are now and that’s good enough for this purpose. I am improving and you’ll probably hear the shout of glory when I get it right!)
I never noticed “Kristy Are You Doing Okay?” by The Offspring until about a decade after it was released. Don’t remember if it was ever a big hit for them, so it was odd (GOD?) when I started hearing it frequently on the radio within a short period of time and it began sinking into my conscious what it was about. It wasn’t until I heard it at the most perfect, healing moment that I fully realized what it was saying.
I had been invited to the wedding of a ‘younger generation’ person whom I adore. I was pretty certain the ring leader (r.l.) (AKA ‘pimp on a smaller scale’) of the second era of hell was going to be there and no one who would understand my point of view would be, so debated about going. Finally decided to attend since the ceremony was being held outside; I had hoped that might make it more tolerable than if we’d’ve been stuck inside a smaller confined space. I declined going to the reception (thank God!!
Had already worked myself up into a serious ‘freak-out-in-progress’ before arriving but to outward appearances was holding it together (barely).
So of course, who do you suppose was one of the first people I saw? And since it was expected and I wasn’t going to cause a scene by not doing it, I hugged r.l. on the way to the staging area.
It was a beautiful ceremony and the couple looked like they truly loved each other (and they still do!). Was so glad I chose to go and helped to celebrate this part of their day with them. I love them both dearly.
And so who do you suppose was standing right there, right after the nuptials were over, and what was expected, again? Yep, another effing hug.
Did ‘the deed’ so whatever sanity I was holding onto was quickly eroding. Was trying not to run while escaping while trying to hold somewhat coherent conversations with the people who wanted to talk. I was asked several times if I was going to the reception, and in order to not get stuck having to give an explanation as to why not, I just said yes, and when someone asked if I’d sit at their table I replied, “sure” knowing damn well we wouldn’t be seeing each other again anytime soon.
Finally made it to the car, fully aware that driving probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do in that moment but had to get away, you know?
Managed to safely make a left turn onto a busy road just when the first notes of ‘Kristy’ came on the radio. Blessed be to God, there was a parking lot on the right side I could turn into immediately because I lost it – intense sobs with snot flying everywhere. Was able to fully comprehend the lyrics this time and knew, this was a God moment and He was giving me His own version of a healing hug and telling me HE saw, understood, and was with me the whole time, and would be as long as I would let Him.
What’s funny is, when the song was over the tears dried up even though I really wanted to reside in that moment to create a pity party. I was even able to go on and accomplish the next thing I had made a commitment to do. (Probably went home after that and did something life affirming (ahem) like eat a whole (larger) bad of potato chips!)
Needless to say, every time I hear this song it reminds me that I’m not alone no matter how convinced I am of the contrary. It also showed me that a guy could care so much about a girl being sexually abused that he wrote a song about it, and he even cared as a teen boy but just didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t write about what a loser it made her, it must’ve been her fault in some way, or that it’s all her fault it changed her and she couldn’t perform to his exact, perhaps never expressed expectations, in his instantaneous timeframe. That when she dared to try to share her heart with him, it was never right because an imperfect heart/female was not what he could tolerate. ‘Dexter’ Holland dared to write about having empathetic feelings toward a hurting female, then shared those respectful, caring feelings with the world. It opened my eyes to the fact that there are men who could genuinely care about women as more than ‘what can I get from her and how can I judge &/or destroy her if I don’t get it, and sometimes, even if I do”. Thank you, Dexter Holland.
I now have a copy of “Kristy Are You doing Okay” and there are times gets played a lot.
The lyrics are below the video.
"Kristy, Are You Doing Okay?" There's a moment in time, and it's stuck in my mind Way back, when we were just kids 'Cause your eyes told the tale of an act of betrayal I knew that somebody did Oh, waves of time Seem to wash away the scenes of our crimes For you, this never ends Can you stay strong? Can you go on? Kristy, are you doing okay? A rose that won't bloom, winter's kept you Don't waste your whole life trying To get back what was taken away Though the marks on your dress had been neatly repressed I knew that something was wrong And I should've spoke out, and I'm so sorry now I didn't know, 'cause we were so young Oh, clouds of time Seem to rain on innocence left behind It never goes away Can you stay strong? Can you go on? Kristy, are you doing okay? A rose that won't bloom, winter's kept you Don't waste your whole life trying To get back what was taken away Oh, clouds of time Seem to rain on innocence left behind It never goes away It never goes away Can you stay strong? Can you go on? Kristy, are you doing okay? A rose that won't bloom, winter's kept you Don't waste your whole life trying To get back what was taken away Don't waste your whole life trying To get back what was taken away -Bryan (Dexter) Holland
