HI Good Person ~
Have you ever had a revelation come long after you ‘knew’ something???
(Hmmmm . . . what do I mean?:))
I was in a car accident several weeks ago. The picture above shows most of the $30,150 worth of repairs that would have been needed to fix it. (Actually, the body shop dude told me he hadn’t even started pulling it apart to see what was underneath; he figured that was enough information needed to make the obvious decision for insurance purposes.)
And while I certainly am glad to have limped away with as few injuries as I did considering what all happened, I’ve been experiencing quite an ongoing emotional reaction.
I’ve struggled with admitting this even to myself due to a pervasive belief ‘true’ and good Christians have so much faith that they should never question or (admit to) having conflicted feelings about anything, let alone an event that could be considered a miracle. (NOT that I’ve always been ‘happy, happy joy, joy” when talking about it, mind you; just haven’t been able to express what’s really going on underneath it all.)
The accident was actually healing in several ways in that it convinced me further that despite what any one of us may have experienced in life, there are far more decent humans than intentionally evil ones.
For example, there were quite a few people who either ran out of their homes or pulled over as soon as the accident happened to offer assistance to the drivers, clean up the mess in the road, and direct traffic until the police, firetruck and emts arrived.
There was the friend who immediately came to get my dog (who, hallelujah, was minimally injured, too) so I could get to the hospital. Several people called (or tried to) the hospital before tests had even begun, someone came and sat with me for a spell while there, and a few others offered to help. Not to mention the texts, cards, phone calls, etc.
I am very grateful for all of that, but still . . .
Been turning it over to God to try to get past the fears and tears without delving too deeply into it because, as mentioned, I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
That’s why I knew it was a God intervention when I was randomly given a Reader’s Digest magazine that had an article about a man who had been in a harrowing canoeing ordeal. He survived practically unscathed and everyone told him how lucky he was yet he, too, had quite the emotional reaction afterwards and it took some time for his brain to work through the trauma.
That showed me I was not the only person who’s dealt with this.
Then God took that lesson further, and in the process he brought home that truth I’d heard long ago but had never been able to comprehend in a personal way . . .
Jesus was not exactly a ‘Tra-la-la’ singing – ‘it’s all good’ – blithely skipping through the daisies kind of guy.
When it came time for His first known miracle He disagreed with His mother because He didn’t feel ready. After overtly doubting the timing, He ended up performing it anyway.
When His best friend Lazarus died and Jesus knew He was going to perform a miracle, He still wept when he arrived at the tomb and another of his good friends assumed there was nothing He could do about it.
There were towns and situations He avoided because He feared for His life.
He became so enraged when people made His Father’s House a marketplace, He yelled about it being a den of thieves and tipped over tables.
He lost patience with the Pharisees (many times) and called them all sorts of nasty names and never once regretted nor apologized for it.
When He discussed what would happen to those who hurt His beloved little children He didn’t say, “So let’s consider all that the perpetrators had been through and give them a get out of jail free card so they can rehabilitate them selves (and go on to hurt even more children). No! He said, “But hose who offend one of these little ones which believe in Me, it is far better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matt 18:6, KJV)
As His hour was approaching, He wasn’t all “yep, it’ll be uncomfortable for a few, but dang it all anyway I’m about to do something amazing so lay it on me, Father!! Hallelujah!” Noooo, He was steeped in so much stress and fear He sweat drops of blood while praying to be excused from what He was about to do.
As we read the account of what He went through Via Dolorosa – the lies told about him, abandonment by friends, all the public humiliation, the torture followed by the slow agonizing death on the cross, He did not say: “I know my purpose, I know God’s got Me, I know how this will change the world so it’s all gooood, thank You Abba!!!”
Not quite. It was a dirge to His (OUR) Father: “My God! My God! Why have you abandoned Me?”
Jesus experienced all of the emotions that some mortals consider to be proof of a lack of faith, and those of us who (admit to) feeling them deemed as ‘immature’ Christians who still have a lot to learn.
I’d always doubted the lesson that Jesus understands what we go through. I’ve always thought of him a member of the triune God who had superpowers we mortals are supposed to attain: Eternal peace and a faith sooo deep we should never doubt, get angry, feel the need to call someone out on their unacceptable behavior, cry in pain, have fear and myriads of other non-joy-based emotions.
How could I (and perhaps others?) trust and believe that God understands what we’re going through if we think He’s simultaneously judging us for some of the God awful feelings that are provoked during (before, and after) the hard times? And how can we who have kept a wall up in denial that God could understand us, ever fully grasp what Jesus did?
But this emotionally complex Jesus I can believe truly does understand the sometimes broken, angry, pain filled, terror based me that has the audacity to exist at times.
And this revelation went even deeper with the realization, we who honestly acknowledge we’ve been to the pits of hell and how it effected us, and perhaps doubted our worthiness or ability to accomplish this can, should we chose to, truly and oh-so-gratefully understand and fully claim our resurrection with Jesus.
Hallelujah! 🙂
Thank You Jesus. May multitudes be able to express empathetic gratitude to You, Savior and Redeemer, this Easter (and every Easter) Day.
Amen!!!
Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam, co-wrote one of their biggest songs “Alive”. It was loosely based on his own experience of being told, when he was a teenager, that the man he thought was his daddy was actually his step father, and his birth father had already died.
When he originally recorded the song, when he sang “Alive”, he thought of it as a curse. However, his live audiences perceived it as a celebration of life, that he was still alive in spite of his circumstances, and their interpretation changed his perspective and now the curse has been transformed into something to celebrate.
That’s what Easter and Jesus’ resurrection can do for us; what we carry in our hearts and minds as burdens or proof of our lack of worth, can be transformed and redeemed. We can celebrate ourselves as risen above it all, with Him. It may not happen over night like we’d like, (Drat! :)) but it will happen if we’re honest with God and let Him do what He can to heal us. I pray we all let Jesus heal us, we’re worthy of so much good – it’s time for us to acknowledge that, can claim it fully.
I call this live version of “Alive”, ‘The Redeemed’ version – you can see how Mr. Vedder is now singing it from a grateful perspective.
