(Photo by De’Andre Bush on Unsplash)
8/16/22
Aloha Beautiful/Handsome Being,
So glad you’re here today!
How’ve you been? What’s a moment from this past week that put a smile in your heart?
There have been a few for me, several of which are: A friend came over so I wouldn’t have to face a service tech who I’d never met before, alone. (Thank you!). My former blog guru agreed to help when this blog site had some serious problems and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it all. (Huzzah Kris! You rescued Pearl, Unchained!) Another is, I went to a Blues Festival for a little while and got to watch/listen to a pretty good band kick out some awesome jams.
I so love live music, especially if it’s outdoors. I don’t mind going to an ‘open air’ concert alone; actually, it’s probably better if I do! When going with friends there’s usually a moment when it occurs to me, after I’ve been singing out loud
(horrors!)
and was completely lost in the music, perhaps even head banging
(although, at this point in life it’s more like ‘gently agreeing with the music’ so as to avoid whiplash or somehow throwing a hip out :))
that there are others with me, and that I should probably acknowledge them.
(And maybe sing under my breath to not offend them so much.)
But then I (over)think, “What if they aren’t liking the music? What if they’re bored and/or wanna leave and/or wanna talk?”
(Dear God, please do NOT let them distract me when the band is playing, or if someone from the band is talking!!) (Unless it’s to say how much they’re loving it, then have them say it and then either sing or shut-up, ok? :))
Should I then feel obligated to take my mind off the music and try to be a good friend and engage with them in some way? (Probably won’t, but at least there was the consideration of being a thoughtful friend for a moment or two!)
(And BTW, if I’m singing that’s the cue for others to sing louder and drown me out.)
Even before I had a dog to take to those outdoor shows, I always felt safer and freer to just live in the moment and revel in the music.
Inside shows, however, especially in bars, are another matter. I need to know someone on the inside wants me there, that I’m not just barging in where not wanted, especially if there may be drunk people, you know?
Just realizing, too, if a show’s indoors I’d rather sit next to a wall, preferably near an easy exit. Outdoors, though, may not be comfortable initially if there’s a lot of people around, but once the music starts I don’t really care anymore.
And I don’t care if someone else sings out of tune, either (birds of a feather and all that). Besides, there’s a Bible verse (Psalm 100:1) that says: “Make a joyful NOISE unto the Lord . . .” There’s no mention it has to be of dulcet tones or perfect harmony. (Juuust sayin’!:))
(Had no intention of starting the post off with this, but it’s going to end up being pertinent.) (hopefully!)
Are there acquaintances in your life that initially you didn’t mind running into but then realized you really don’t have much in common with them at all, and in fact they kinda make you nauseous? You wanna avoid them yet they associate with someone you wanna be friendly with but you don’t want to stop and talk with ‘friendly’ if they’re with the other?
What would you do if. . .
I frequently mention the favored park I love to walk at – there’s water, beautiful gardens, and over all – lots of good people there. I even find delightful things someone else leaves for others to pick up sometimes. My walking path, however, is getting increasingly limited in order to steer clear of certain areas and have been going later and later in order to avoid a bench mate of someone I didn’t mind talking with otherwise.
‘R’ is the older gent I don’t mind running into (until something weird happened the other day, but that’s not the point here), but the friend he meets up with, ‘B’, is something else all together.
‘R’ loves my dog and always has a treat for him. He’s hilarious and we can usually get a good laugh or two in when we run into each other.
Initially I didn’t mind ‘B’. Then one day B talked about how he ‘trained’ a dog he had ‘rescued’ from a hellish situation. At first was kinda cheering for him, but as he kept talking, kinda wanted to vomit on, and slap him. (You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat and train animals.) He kinda bragged about smacking the dog, even when he did exactly what the B told him to do, and then he couldn’t figure out why the dog left piles around the house.
Another day, when a guy he knew went jogging by B called him over then essentially bullied and denigrated the jogger the whole time he stood there because of his weight.
That was wrong on so many levels – B was more overweight than the jogger and would talk about eating his cupcake every morning while parked at one end of the park, then he’d drive to the other end to meet with ‘R’. He parked as close as possible to the bench so he’d only walk all of about 15 feet to get to it. Then sit and smoke for an hour or two.
Not to mention I’m standing there, and I weighed more than the exerciser. Seriously, if a person is denigrating someone in front of others to prove their superiority, then they should make darn sure anyone else there, whom they (supposedly) don’t have an issue with, doesn’t have the same attributes, their self included!
What really ticked me off though, was I didn’t say anything to shut B up, nor to defend the other guy. ‘R’ did though; after the jogger left he said so droll and matter of fact like: “I’m sure that guy appreciated you making such a big deal out of his weight.” (Yay, ‘R’!)
Started going to the park later to avoid B, but then didn’t see ‘R’. Saw ‘R’ the other day, and he mentioned he’d missed seeing us (well, the dog anyway!). Didn’t know how to tell him I’m avoiding his bench mate. Went approximately the same time the next day, and B was there, too. Now I’ll have to go that park even later. Can’t decide if the avoidance is wise or weak.
Really miss the people I used to see when I went so much earlier, especially the decent guy who respected my hand motions (as better described in the post “Kindness Matters” dated 3/22/22). Always believed he’d intervene on another’s behalf if he saw someone that needed help. But B always showed up before I was done exercising and walking, and it was hard to avoid him since he always spent time at both ends of the park, and sometimes stopped to talk in other areas if he saw me when driving by. (He’d say he had a hard time finding me most days; didn’t have the courage to tell him that was the point.)
So would you, dear reader, tell the person you didn’t mind talking to exactly why you’re avoiding him since he’s part and parcel with someone that makes you very uncomfortable?.
To be pathetically honest, that scenario described one of the greatest fears of my life; that the people I care about actually barely tolerate me and I’m clueless about it. It’s one more reason why it’s so comfortable to go places solo, and going to outdoor events is a plus. It’s easier to stay out of the sight line of someone who I fear would much rather I wasn’t there.
(And on that life affirming note . . . )
But truly, I do, now, believe in and receive the love of God (and self) increasingly well (thank God, and Pearl!). (Hope you have some idea how much God loves you, too?) Just still a bit insecure about what other mortals honestly think of moi.
Which leads to this week’s tune: The Rockets’ version of the old Fleetwood Mac song, “Oh Well”. In a humorous way, it’s so appropriate for this post’s overall topic. Also, got to see Jimmy McCarty (the guitarist) a couple of years ago at that year’s Blues Fest. He’s still got it, for sure!
And I was able to see The Rockets a couple of times ‘back in the day’, even caught one of Johnny B’s drumsticks at one of the shows. Was so geeked about that! (Video courtesy of livegigvideo1)
