11/10/22
Bless you, beautiful/handsome-at-heart you!
What’s something positive someone has done for you lately? Do you think you always notice, especially in the moment as it happens? And how easily do you receive when something good does come your way?
Several weeks ago when I was talking to ‘C’ about all I believe I’m on the precipice of receiving; the love of God, myself, the man God has for me, friends and family of choice, and moving forward and fully into my life’s purpose. Then added that I knew I didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of it all.
‘C’ was kind of surprised (in a good way!) and said she was glad to hear that last part.
Several days later though, it occurred to me that knowing ‘I don’t have to be perfect’ and ‘I’m good enough’ aren’t the same (yet).
Argghh!
But honestly, I do know that I’ve come a looong way; just, of course, not as quickly and as healed as I’d like to be, for sure. (If patience was a solid entity I’m sure it’d get slapped occasionally. (Sometimes.) (Ok, let’s be honest, A LOT! :))
I can only hope that what I am (supposed to be patiently) working towards will still be here when I’m ready. And yes, I do ‘get’ that if it isn’t, it probably wasn’t ‘supposed to be’. I am building up the faith in these situations that I’ll survive and love on no matter what the outcome is. What’s pretty darn cool is, after an experience a couple of nights ago I am starting to believe in my heart that a positive outcome is, in fact, possible; that grace does abound in this aspect of my life, too. It’s wonderful how my heart smiles when I let myself believe that. (And the ‘love’ earlier in this paragraph was supposed to have been ‘move’, but I’m gonna leave the typo and claim it!)
A couple of days ago a friend of mine (one of the ‘GLPers’ referred to in what you’ll be reading after this) died unexpectedly. It was such a shock, and loss. She was such a straightforwardly loving woman; she’d relate to people heart-to-heart instead of superficially or with her own agenda.
We never spent time together outside of when we worked on retreats, yet when we’d meet up again her heart was open, reaching out, and nonjudgemental. I learned more about what genuine love is because of her; I hope I act like it.
Jeannie, even though we didn’t see each other much in between retreat times I’m already missing you, knowing you’re not going to be around next time. Thank you for being your real self; your legacy of love will continue to make this world a better place.
I wrote an article for the church newsletter that ended up showing me how far I’ve come on this healing journey with an increasing ability to allow GOD (that was supposed to be ‘GOOD’, but I’ll leave that typo as is, too) people to care about me. To believe it’s possible and to notice it in other’s actions instead of allowing the sense of (receding) worthlessness to deny love’s very presence in my life. Gives me so much victory, and hope; if I am starting to see and receive it in my platonic relationships then it stands to reason (and faith!) that allowing it in a romantic sense is imminent.
Thank You, God. (And Pearl!)
Here’s a slightly modified version of that article titled, “It Takes A Village”.
Good day, good people of LPC!
I have to say, the people at this church (AKA the LPCers), the G.L.P.ers, Bible study ladies, GG, as well as many other decent people have really helped change my perspective on life.
For many years my credo was “I don’t anybody God, I just need You.”
And trust me, I meant it!
I had a therapist who would tell me, “If you’ve been wounded in relationships then you have to heal in relationships” and I’d vehemently disagree by retorting: “Have you heard my story? NO!” (As I was, in fact, talking with a person to help me heal . . . just realized that! I get what ‘irony’ means now ! :))
I truly believed I was gonna learn to live at peace with God, nature, animals, music, and no one else because I DON’T NEED PEOPLE!
Well, not surprising I suppose, God had other ideas.
And I didn’t realize to what degree a turnaround is taking place until after the GLP retreat I helped out with a little while ago.
First, there was all that grace that was repeatedly offered by so many people every time I messed up (which was quite an impressive array, if I do say so myself).
Weeks before I was to give a talk I had free coaching lessons from Pastor R. On the day of the talk at the retreat, I received several wonderful back rubs, LOTS of words of encouragement, and when there were technical difficulties and I was waiting to walk up to the podium, several much needed hugs were offered, free of charge!
Then there was this pesky microphone I suddenly became clueless on how to attach and several people immediately came to my aid (without being asked!) and as they were taking care of what I should’ve figured out pretty quickly, I repeated a couple of times, “It takes a village”.
After the talk when I forgot about that pesky mic, Pastor B immediately jumped up and did what was needed before I dragged the what-ever-it-is-the-mic-is-attached-to off the podium.
And again, without thinking I reiterated: “It takes a village.”
Looking back over my time at LPC, I remember how when the first Senior Citizen’s Celebration Day was being put together I wasn’t planning on asking for help; figured I’d just get it done. At some point I realized I couldn’t do it all and started mentally hyperventilating. Someone encouraged me to ask for help and was initially too terrified to, but it had to be done.
I was sooo relieved and grateful when several people said they’d pitch in.
And the really amazing thing is no matter how snarky I can get before (and during) any event, people still offer to help the next time! (Go figure.) (And thank you, by the way!)
Sometimes I notice the growing pains the church seems to be going through and wonder why it has to be that way. There are many good people here, why can’t that be the focus instead of the technical disagreements that seem to become divisive? I’ll wonder if our little village is becoming segregated.
But when one of our own has a health or heart issue, or someone new enters our ‘fold’, all that division is forgotten as everyone comes together to welcome, support, encourage and/or pray for whoever needs it.
And I realize, surface issues can be deceiving; underneath it all this little village is still united and filled with love.
What I didn’t write in this article was that this divisiveness is teaching me something else that is so valuable to healthy relationships; that disagreements are not the end of love. I always expect someone whose expectation I didn’t meet to walk away and never return. These wonderful people are teaching me, some people do choose to stay because they see what’s right about others beyond their mistakes.
Thank you.
So much healing has been going on in my heart lately and today’s song, “Miracles” (and “Count On My Love”) by Jefferson Starship reflects that. I’m (finally!) starting to believe, at my deepest core, that I AM worthy of miracles, including ‘of the heart and love’.
As a reminder, you are too.
