Friday 12/11/20
This was written several years ago when I was (re)baptized at the church I was attending. I was becoming a new being with all the healing work I had been doing and wanted to celebrate that by getting baptized in a beautiful lake. I no longer attend this church, it was the one I was referring to when I wrote the “Predatory Groomers” post dated 10/28/20. I still appreciate the two head pastors at the time, the other people who attended the church, and all I learned about God’s love there. What the others did to cause me to leave does not effect that.
(Read this as if you’re listening to a speaker at a twelve step support group.)
Hi, my name is Pearl and I’m a recovering God fighter.
I first met God personally in my early 20’s and thought we had the perfect relationship. He asked very little of me and I was o.k. with that.
But then life intervened with reality and I got angry at God because life in this realm did not equal Heaven in His, and I wasn’t o.k. with that. So, I started fighting HIm.
It didn’t matter what He did to show me He cared, and there were myriads of those moments. Like seeing a rainbow over a great lake on a mostly sunny day, and walking away from a couple of car accidents where the vehicles were totaled or greatly damaged but no one was seriously injured. I’d be on my knees in the moment in gratitude but then would jump right back up again, fighting, when something I didn’t appreciate intruded on my expectations.
Over these last several months the music, words, prayers, and prophesies of God’s army at this church led to a changed spirit. I had a humbling revelation that with anyone else but God would have been humiliating experience. You see, I had’t been fighting with God, I’d been fighting at Him. God had never fought back, nor raised His voice. He never even tried to deflect my accusations and wrath. He’s just been standing right here the whole time, with His arms wide open.
Now I wish I could tell you I’ve completely given up fighting at God, but it’s been a hard habit to break. I’d say I’m trying to practice peace in faith, not perfection, one day at a time. Amazingly enough, God’s o.k. with that!
I have also started laying down the defensive gear I’ve been wearing and accumulating – I never needed it with Him. God’s safe, I KNOW I can trust Him completely, no matter what happens . . . and for that I’ll say, for all eternity, THANK YOU GOD and JESUS, OUR SAVIOR!
Amen!
See you back here on Monday!
