Visitor From Above

5/25/23

Hi Amazing Person!

How be you doing today? 🙂

Do You believe in or have ever had an ‘otherworldly encounter’? Like angels, or ghosts, or a visit from someone who died recently, or even seen a UFO or something else you just can’t explain?  Would you admit to it if you did :)?

Just a couple of days ago I had an interesting incident but we have to go back in time a little bit, first, before we get to that.

I had an aunt, ‘C’, who I cared about. Wouldn’t say we were ‘bosom buddies’, but I felt accepted by her most of the time, even in these later years after ‘opting out’ of family and didn’t see her much. 

If she ever had a clue about what was going on throughout my childhood she never mentioned it nor did anything to stop it, but she was less judgmental with the way my personality was effected by all I’d gone through.

When I initially walked away from family, including her, I did it because I had no idea of who all knew, who all was involved, and felt betrayed by everyone because (as much as memory allows at this point, anyway) no one ever intervened on my behalf or even mentioned it wasn’t right. Nor had anyone acted concerned or asked ‘why’ I had become like I had and did what I did, even in these later years. 

And another sad aspect to all of this is, I just thought they’d all be relieved they no longer had to interact with ‘someone so different to them’ anymore.

It took quite a few years to realize some of the people may have actually been hurt by what I did. 

About a year ago I told the immediate family in a very general and caring (as opposed to out of spite) way about what happened and I now have to wait to see if I can be forgiven by them for speaking up. (Meanwhile, the perpetrators maintained their honor and never had to be forgiven.) More is written about this in the post dated 10/22/22, “Perception & Owning Our Truth”.

Yeah, and none of this hurts at all (choke, sob). 

But I wouldn’t change what I did because even though the effect of that decision hurts like hell at times, I won’t apologize, capitulate nor recant the truth. I have a clear conscious and am free of their manipulations and dirty little secrets now. If they would rather blame me than the perpetrators then it’s on them, including if any abuse is still happening. 

I still love them but I’m much better off staying out of relationships where I have to sell my soul and truth for others’ denial and comfort.

I never did try to explain any of this, from the past or present, to ‘C’. 

Several years ago, at my mother’s funeral, C and I were standing together. She made a comment when no one else was around and I wish I could remember her exact words, but it was to the effect of “I always loved you, you know?”. I could tell she was either frustrated because she didn’t understand, or hurt

And I honestly and quietly replied, “Yeah, I’m finally getting that now.” Then someone else walked up and the conversation ended.

After that I think she understood it wasn’t personal, and even though I didn’t spend as much time with her as others thought I should, I did love her best as I could, and she knew and accepted that.

Now to explain another aspect to this. When I was a young adult, C had mentioned a pact she had made with one of her aunts, ‘A’. Whoever died first would somehow come back and let the other know they were o.k., and it was good on the ‘other side’, Heaven.They would do this by knocking three times. 

A couple of weeks after ‘A’ died, early one morning my cousin did something he’d never done before, nor since, He knocked three times on the wall over his bed, and when he did my aunt’s first thought was, ‘That was ‘A’ letting know she’s ok!’ 

And she never doubted that.

At that time I asked C that if she died before I did if she would do the same for me, and she said she would.

(I bet you know where this is going :))

Yep. 

My aunt passed away a couple of weeks ago. The amazing thing was, as usual with any other relative, I didn’t feel anything at first. But this time, a day or two later it really hit hard and I actually grieved and cried for her. 

Wasn’t able to go to her funeral due to recuperating from a couple of ailments and to be honest, wasn’t all that upset about it. The ring leader of the second era of hell would be there as well as one or two of the others that participated, and I just didn’t want to deal with that, especially now that I’m the enemy to some others for having the audacity to speak up. 

Last Sunday, while getting ready for church, I heard three sharp knocks that were quite loud. When I looked around all I saw was my dog staring at me, head tilted and looking perplexed but not barking like he would’ve had someone been at the door. 

Then the thought came out of nowhere, C is letting me know she’s ok, and it’s good ‘on the other side.’

Thank you C; I never would’ve guessed you’d do that for me. My eyes are leaking with the knowledge that a family member cared about me like that, especially considering I didn’t have to ‘earn’ it by keeping those dirty little secrets nor doing everything to your specifications.

What. A. Gift. My heart is crying and healing in surprise and gratitude.   And acceptance that I can be loved like that, like me. 

Hope I’m larnin’ from this, and ‘pay it forward’ for the right people!

This past week it was time to euthanize Grace, the cat I had for 14-15 years. It wasn’t easy, for sure, I loved that little princess; maybe she’ll come back to visit???  Can only hope! 🙂

And dear, amazing person, I hope you’ve had (or will have soon), an experience that affirms you, too, are lovable just as you are.

These last several weeks I’ve been asking God who in my life truly is for me? After last week’s post, and now this one, my heart is smiling because of being able to accept some people truly are (and were). Yaaaay!

Now, I get to write a talk for our next human trafficking awareness event in less than a couple of weeks! It’s sorta funny how I’ve known this was coming for several months now and was convinced I was going to get so much done weeks ahead of time so there won’t be this last rush and guess what?  Still have quite a bit to do and I’m taking the next several days OFF! Hallelujah! Going on a private retreat with just my dog for company; been planning this for a couple of weeks now and am so geeked it’s finally here!

(Didn’t finish editing this before I left; I’m at the retreat now and thank You, God! It’s just what I needed, and so much more than I’d hoped for!)

Hoping that you, too, are doing something to nurture yourself healthfully. I’m looking forward to meeting you back here in a week! 

I still love the song, “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. In my deepest heart I do believe that overall, the world is amazing. (I just hope to start acting like it more consistently, soon! :))