You Matter! (Actual Post)

10/19/21

(Today’s link is an outtake from Steven Furtick’s talk, “Hungry For Encouragement”.  I think you’ll enjoy it, and understand why it’s relevent to today’s post.  https://youtu.be/pnVOiMdpxyE  )

Hello Person that Matters,

How are you doing today?  

Have you ever been influenced by someone else, whether for good or evil?  Do you know you matter enough that you can bring encouragement and light (or something negative) to another?

That’s something I never thought a lot about until these last few years of life.  

Honestly didn’t believe my existence was a positive, and in fact, felt at times that I didn’t really exist at all.  My sense of self and heart had been so annihilated that I was just . . . empty.  And if someone did see ‘me’ then I had no faith they would believe I was a child/woman/person with a heart that could be so deeply wounded by their (I assumed would be abusive in some form) interaction, so I avoided them. 

(Had no idea this was how this post was going to go – really touching on some deep heart wounds here.  Trying to remember this is the way to heal – expose those hurts, and hope this helps someone else understand their-self better and/or let them know they are not alone.  And that Someone cares!)

(I’m remembering a line from a poem I wrote as a teenager, “What’s left of your heart is a pile of dust with all hope buried far underneath.”  I thought it was written about someone else at the time but am now considering it was ‘projection’ – seeing something I couldn’t acknowledge about my own self in someone else.) 

Because of feeling so useless it never occurred to me I could do something good for others, so didn’t try much.  After first getting into recovery there were several people who advised doing certain acts of service in order to help others.  They said that would help to heal me, too, but I was convinced I had nothing positive to give (and maybe really didn’t), so their advice was rejected.  (Now that I have been doing various ‘acts’ for a while I can see where it does help give better perspective on life, as well as others (get to see the good in others more) and self since it gives a sense of contribution, a reason to exist.)

Having said all that to get to the point of, if a person thinks they’re insignificant then they might not bother to encourage others because we think it won’t matter or we’ll be scoffed at like we’re used to.  So for years I impacted others in a negative way by persistently ignoring or rejecting them and/or their encouragement or kindness because of deeming self as unworthy of receiving it, and from becoming habituated to believe it’ll be used against me if it was accepted.  As mentioned in previous posts, I still do this in certain situations.  (Not proud, just honest.)

What amazes me now that this has been written is I’ve recently discovered that one of my gifts (of spirit) is that of encouragement.  My friends have even noticed, and I’m making the most of it in various ways.  I’ll touch on this in the next post when I write about what’s been happening in the dark of the early morning walks at the park I (used to) like walking in.  It’s showing me some more of what’s been hiding in the shadows of psyche when I try to decide, in the moment, if what’s happening is of good, evil, both or neither.  

(And don’t get me wrong, I’m not always encouraging, can still ‘put the bitch on’ pretty quickly, even without being provoked by outside forces!)

The next part of this entry is a rewrite of something originally posted a few weeks ago.  It’s about how people can positively effect others without even trying, just by being who they are. My pastor had asked for a contribution to the church newsletter and this is the result of reworking it for that.  And I want you to know, those last two paragraphs are about you, too . . .

Just recently had the realization of how one very humble and beautiful couple from my church made such an impact in my life, yet I’m not so sure they’d even know my name now after the covid separation.

When the husband died unexpectedly, it really hit hard.  I went to his funeral and tried to figure out why I was crying so much for this gentle man.  I hadn’t seen or even communicated with him for a couple of years, had only known him for maybe 6 or 7 years, and saw them, at most, half of the times I’d gone to a service pre-covid.   

I was always looking for them, though, because they held a special place in my heart, even if I didn’t know ‘why’.

Was finally able to figure it out, and sent his lovely widow a note that, in part, read:

“. . . I’ve always appreciated you and [husband] so much, as individuals and as a couple.  

You two were so kind and welcoming when I first joined our church, spending time with me at fellowship hour.  

And you’re that way with everyone, so accepting and gentle with others as well as each other.  You both have a certain kind of peace that influences the room you’re in.

And I love you two as a couple.  I don’t know if you know this, but I come from an abusive childhood and marriage.  Real love wasn’t something I witnessed or experienced much for the first several decades of life and so I’ve been struggling for a long time to understand what it is, what it looks like, especially in a romantic sense.  And when I watched you and [husband] together, I ‘got’ it.  The way you’d look into each other’s eyes and smile because you each understood what the other was thinking.  The lack of judgement, and gentleness in the way you talked to each other, tended to each other.  How you seemed to be able to trust each other implicitly, knowing you each had the other’s back, so to speak.   

How beautiful.  

I realize, it may or may not have been like that for all the seventy years, but what you two had for as long as I’ve known you, both as a couple and individually, is something I aspire to.  

Thank you for being you.”

Satan tries to convince us that who we are and what we do in our day to day life doesn’t matter much, but I KNOW that’s a lie.  So frequently, just being the authentic, kind beings we truly are can touch another’s heart in a way we may never know about, may heal a tear that we never saw.  

I have a sign that says, “Be you. The world will adjust,” and it’s wise words that tell us, in a facetious way, that the world won’t collapse if we are our true selves instead of who we think we ‘should’ be in order to fit others’ expectations.   But what I’ve just realized is, it could also say, “Be YOU, and the world will be blessed.”  

(End of that article)

I’ve always liked Cyndi Lauper, mainly for her ability to just be herself.  I’ve loved her song “True Colors” from the first time I heard it, love the encouragement of it.  I know it’s now an anthem for the gay community and appreciate that, too. (Probably with much thanks to Freddie Mercury, a person who, as a preteen, I so admired for his talent and heart before learning he was gay.)  

A couple of decades ago, while working at the family business a man came in wearing a dress.  It was the first time I’d seen a male cross dress, and I had so much respect for him and the courage it took to do that.  I knew how much he was going to be crucified by the people I worked with and hoped he couldn’t sense their judgement and would be out of earshot before they started in with their derogatory comments. 

I’ve been blessed with friends who are gay, lesbian, and fluid, and what I noticed first about them (before learning about their sexual orientation) is their amazing hearts.  They know what it’s like to be judged, and they let it make them more compassionate.  I thank them for accepting me. 

Oh yeah, the video  . . .