Being Grateful!

11/18/23

Hello lovable you,

Could you list at least 5 reasons to be grateful? 

For me, this past week – a successful Human Trafficking Awareness Event and the friends who come together to put it on (and did I notice someone I care about afterward? I was too mentally ‘overdone’ to know for sure; I apologize if I missed another opportunity to talk with you), my dog came through his surgery ok, found a contractor who actually did the work needed instead of just charging for it, and have a craft show tomorrow to sell ‘WAR International’ products (made by survivors of trafficking) that I thought was several weeks away (oops!:)) 

All that to say, today’s writing it a slightly reworked post from January of 2022. It’s still and good, if I do say so myself :).

For years, every day I (try to remember to :)) come up with ten things to appreciate. Some days there are countless reasons to be thankful, and others when I’m hard pressed to come up with five. There’s always several standbys to add to the list like indoor plumbing, pets, doves, and of course, God.

Today’s post is a mash up of two things I’ve written recently. The first part is an assignment for a support group, which is a letter to God. The last portion is a prayer written for a group of people I work with on retreats.  

There have been a few of the ‘God’ letters written over the last several years, usually with some anger expressed; I think this is the first to express so much gratitude.  Woo-hoo & Hallelujah! 

Dear God,

Thank You for another day . . . and so much more.

Lord, I am in complete awe of what You’ve created (the skies, water in all its forms, rainbows, flora, fauna, topography, sounds of wind, water, doves, music . . . ).   

My heart fills when I think of all the time You’ve been here for me, from infancy through now, and You always will be.  

We both know I wouldn’t be here without You; I would’ve succumbed to the depression, cptsd, dissociation and pain of childhood, whether by my own hand or pushing someone else to do it for me later on in life. 

We both know I still resort to anger towards You at times, and in the words of Ricky Ricardo, “You’ve got some esplaining to do” when we meet face to face :).  

Do You remember, early on in this walk of recovery ‘L’ unwittingly commented after she heard my testimony, “For whom much is given, much is expected.”  You, too, must’ve seen L’s facial expression – it was hilarious because she was so mortified at what she’d said. She had NO idea that You were actually speaking through her.

We knew she was verifying what I was in the process of realizing but wasn’t quite sure about yet.  While You and I would NEVER condone all that happened to me, I did have a choice to redeem it by doing what I can to heal in order to reach out to others.

Lord, this had been a S-L-O-W and arduous journey, whether by Your design or my own poor choices, and in spite of all my missteps and doubts I KNOW, no matter what I feel, in reality You’ve NEVER given up on me, would never leave my side, and have brought me so far and are taking me to wonderful, amazing, love filled places. 

I understand now that the verse from 2Samuel 22:51, “The Lord gives His king great victories, He shows unfailing kindness to His anointed” refers to all who turn to You (even me!).  Life may not always be easy, but we ALWAYS have You to turn to for strength, comfort, and guidance.  

I KNOW I can do whatever You put in my heart, including being able to receive and give love easily, well and generously, because YOU say so.  It’s taking patience on both our parts (Arrrrghh!) but I AM arriving there because I know I deserve love in ALL its forms.    

(It’s long past time to understand and receive this, Pearl – I AM worthy!). 

Dear Heavenly, GOOD Father,

Thank you that for those of faith there truly is hope for healing, love, redemption and forgiveness, even when faith is barely held on to, and hope hurts too much to dabble in. Thank You for Your patience that ALWAYS causes You to walk beside us no matter how long it takes us to perceive all You are, who we are in You, and receive all You have for us.  

And thank You, Jesus, for living and dying to redeem us of our sins, and for never taking back our redemption even when we can’t accept it for decades, and for some, a lifetime.  

Because of You, if we choose to, we receive and learn mercy and Grace, and can in turn offer it to others increasingly as we grow deeper in our acceptance of You and Your love. 

In Jesus name, AMEN!

When it came time to choose a song about patience for this post two immediately popped into mind.  The late, great, Chris Cornell’s version of ‘Patience’ is gonna hafta wait for another time. “Patiently” by Journey is a song I loved ‘back when’ then completely forgot about until now. For my interpretation, it describes what I’ve been striving for, only sans the patience! :).  Been pushing to experience all I’ve missed out on in life, been in a rush to heal, be whole, fully feel and experience life and love of all kinds.  My therapist has repeatedly said it’d be better if I learned to ‘flow, like water, around the rocks and through the obstacles instead of trying to pound them into submission’.  Maybe it’s time to listen?