6/15/23
Hi Angel –
How’re you doing this fine day?
Have you shown your wings to anyone lately? I’m sure you have 🙂 care to share what you did for someone else?
This post could cause triggers for some.
There was an incident last weekend that reminded me of a topic I’ve been wanting to write about – bullying. But I also need to be reminded that there are many more decent ‘angels’ (mortal and immortal) before I started because this topic can take a person (well, me, anyway!) down some dark roads if we forget that.
I can get so angry (and triggered) when discussing bullies now, whether their abuse is physical, mental and/or emotional. It’s weird because with all I survived, including bullying by family and watching some of them preying upon the younger ones, it wasn’t until just a couple of years ago (after the frozen emotions started thawing) that a deeper understanding of the horror of it emerged.
But in the interest of being honest (ugh!) I admit, I picked on a couple of ‘friends’ (not sure why they still thought of me as ‘friend’ considering how they were treated at times) until teenage years. Don’t know why it ended then but I don’t have any memories of acting out like that after being preteen. I never used fists or knocked anyone down (physically), but I would try to make them feel as emotionally cruddy as I would’ve had I been able to feel.
Anyway, back to the catalyst as to when/how feeling the horror of what bullying can do, erupted . . .
Several years I met someone who I felt a strong connection to and would feel compelled to pray for without knowing why.
One day I noticed he has amazing eyes that are unique. (Whine, snivel – I thought it was so unfair because he had no problems ‘scoring’ with females and figured that incredible feature facilitated the ease of conquest. Wouldn’t mind having those eyes turned towards me, but it would have to include his heart.)
So anyway, I was praying for this dude and asking God about the connection when an image popped into mind.
A lanky school age kid was on the ground trying to protect himself while bullies were kicking him, hard.
I got SO upset and thought it was happening somewhere else in real time. Started yelling at God to DO something; maybe get someone to intervene, or somehow tell me where it’s happening in order to call for help or if possible, get there quickly and STOP IT!
Then the thought came, “That’s one incident from (the guy you’re praying for’s) childhood.”
Now I’m not for sure if that was an actual event, but either way it had a profound effect on me.
And without knowing if it makes a difference or matters, have never stopped praying for him. If it was real I pray (literally) and hope he’s had a cadre of angels, mortal and otherwise, who’ve reminded him of his value and positive traits after others tried so savagely to devalue him. (They could never succeed.)
It also helped me to better appreciate how we never do know what others have gone through, and how a person’s ‘stand out’ feature that makes them all the more attractive or interesting as an adult could’ve been a helluva detriment in childhood.
Last weekend I went to a park to walk my dog. There was a party at one of the gazebos, and I could hear a loud mouth drunk a**hole saying some nasty things to a well dressed young adult man (‘YM’). YM turned and walked away from the party with his head held up. (Which is something he deserves so much credit for.)
The a**hole made a couple more obnoxious comments about how it wasn’t his own fault ‘YM’ walked away, and it’s not like ‘YM’ was going to go far anyway.
And no one went after YM to show they supported him and not the bully’s b.s.
I empathized with YM and tried to figure out how to show him someone cared, but my brain was too busy re-experiencing a similar incident from years ago to be able to come up with a solution in the present.
I later thought I could’ve offered YM a ride, or compliment, or if he’d use it a compassionate ear. Or better yet, let my dog work his magic by being his usual friendly, happy ‘pleased to let you pet me!’ self when meeting a new friend.
I prayed for someone else to be his angel and do for him what I couldn’t.
Saw a sign for the party – and it was in honor of the kid who walked away. And MAN, that ticked me off even more. This should’ve been a day of commendation and celebration for him, and an a**hole made it a day of humiliation instead.
All abuse anyone survives is bullying for what is it, and rape, sex abuse, beating, verbal denigration, etc., but the desire to annihilate and degrade someone in order to bring them lower than what the abuser feels about their self? But understand this – a person’s intrinsic, God given worth can never be devalued.
The specific flashback this incident triggered was when, as a young adult, I went to a family party. There was a friend of a relative’s there, ‘J’.
I made the mistake of sounding confident about something so the b.s. began. It seems like everyone had to (verbally) make sure I was knocked back down to size, which was under their feet.
All I wanted to do was escape and headed for the door but it was dark out and I’d have had to walk through a rough neighborhood to get anywhere. I felt so trapped and hated myself even more for (once again) not having the guts to walk away anyway, preferably forever.
But the one thing that stands out for me, now, was the expression J had when he looked at me. His eyes were full of kindness, understanding, and compassion. Jesus/angel eyes that said not everyone believed what was happening was ok.
It was shocking to see and to be honest, humiliating at the time because he was witnessing the degradation.
But now I get such an empathetic look showed me someone thought I did deserve better, and on some level that encouragement was one part of what sustained me all these years until I could believe it myself.
Thank you, J. Don’t know if you’re still alive, but I hope in some cosmic way you sense gratitude for your empathy. Hope I’ll have paid your kindness forward many times when this life is done.
I’m learning from all of this and when another opportunity to be someone’s angel comes up, I’ll be ready. In the meantime, one of the things I always try to mention in my talks is: “Just because someone is different (whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, due to being born that way, through illness or trauma) it does NOT make us less than, stupid, or dangerous. It JUST makes us different.” (And still equal.)
Amen!
Would you be willing to share in the comment section when you were an angel for someone else (or they, you) to inspire those of us who don’t always get it right to know what to do next time?
“Jeremy” by Pearl Jam is a true story about a child who had a miserable life at home, was bullied at school, and how that ended. (He killed himself in front of the classroom.) Wanted to play the original video because it addressed the issue honestly, but it was quite graphic. This MTV Unplugged (just music) version is excellent, too. Thank you Pearl Jam for posting it.
