Wed 1/6/21
Welcome to 2021 – it’ll be an amazing year!
Let’s celebrate us now. Last week I spent time owning up to and apologizing for a few things but didn’t mention how I’ve been evolving since then. I love this quote from Joyce Meyer, “I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be!” I’ve come a long way, but rarely notice or give myself credit because of being too focused on what I think still needs to change.
How about you? Have you been able to accept yourself as you are? If you haven’t yet become the person you think you can be, will you give yourself the credit you deserve for being where you are now? Do you think it’s possible for us to celebrate ourselves even as we strive to change? I do, just have to keep reminding myself of that. 🙂
Here are some of the ways I’ve grown up a bit in the areas mentioned last week . . .
After I’d been in recovery for a little while and had taken a couple of assertiveness training classes, I did figure out how to speak up and/or call for help for others when I notice there’s a threatening situation. I even called social services on a relative a few years ago. Don’t know if anything came of it, but I did try to protect the next generation.
When it comes to friends, I’ve been improving at letting them get to know the real me, and better at not finding excuses to run away. I’m learning that true, healthy relationships aren’t going to be perfect and imperfections don’t automatically make them a threat. I now understand it’s all right for friends to disagree, and even unintentionally hurt each other sometimes (key word being ‘unintentionally’). Last fall I had the group I refer to as my ‘Soul Sisters’ over for a campout/p.j. party. There were several times I shed a tear or two in gratitude because I was allowing myself to feel a part of the group, was even able to laugh with them. Haven’t been able to feel like that since I was a young child. What an awesome experience! There is still a disconnect, though, because I haven’t yet shaken off the belief that I’m disposable, as if I walked off the face of the earth they wouldn’t really miss me, just breath a collective sigh of relief. (Like I’ve written before, I’m a work in progress!)
One of the biggest leaps forward in the friendship area came just a couple of weeks ago. When I first got into recovery I had isolated myself for too many years with my credo being “I don’t need anybody God, I just need You.” (More on this in a later post.) When I eventually started making attempts at getting to know various good people but kept walking away when they got too close, the credo turned to a prayer asking, “How can I use friends correctly?”. I knew there had to be a better way to phrase it, but couldn’t for the life of me figure out what that was. Just recently the prayer morphed to, “How can I LOVE my friends correctly?”. Definitely something to celebrate! Yaaaay us (God and I)!
Another symptom of growing up is when one of my Soul Sisters said she needed a co-facilitator for her support group for teen girl survivors. My first reaction was an excuse for why I couldn’t do it, but then changed my mind, thank heavens! I feel so honored to get to know these amazingly courageous and beautiful-at-heart girls and to hear their stories, to perhaps play a small part on their healing journeys. I don’t know if I was all that helpful for the first group but didn’t quit and I’m giving myself time to improve. Things are going better for this second round. I get a double “Yay me!” for this growth spurt! 🙂
What I think/feel about a potential romantic partner has changed drastically over the years. When I got divorced I told God (and me) that a relationship wasn’t happening again until I was darn sure I wasn’t making the same mistake again. After some therapy experience, I could imagine the kind of guy I would like to have a relationship with, but realized the type of male I was actually drawn to would be the opposite. So when the attraction I felt to Great Guy (G.G.) was deepening I asked my Soul Sisters to go to an event he was at to get their opinions as to whether or not he is a genuinely good man. The consensus was unanimous, they all agreed (including their hubbies) that G.G. was a decent person, aaand . . . all but one of them thought he probably wasn’t interested in me. (Ow!) (And that last person didn’t agree with the others only because she didn’t think she’d seen enough interaction to make the call, so it wasn’t exactly a vote in my favor!) But the whole experience (besides being humbling!) still warrants a kudos because I now know I’m attracted to a good man. THAT deserves a woo-hoo!!
Here’s one more reason to celebrate instead of denigrate myself. I haven’t given up on the healing process in spite of how long it’s taking and how much pain, emotional mayhem, and discomfort it brings up. This process is teaching me how to trust, how to laugh and have fun again, and I’m learning about love in all it’s forms. This means I’ll get to experience all of it, in a good way, and that’s what we all deserve. Amen!
I’d like to hear about the ways you can celebrate yourself, too, if you’d care to comment?
Thank you, Pearl, and God, for never giving up on me.
Meet you back here on Friday?
This poem was written when I was in my early twenties. It’s awesome to finally see the light reaching up over the horizon! Can you see it, too?
Light Is Coming You wake up in the morning, waiting for the sun to appear. You vaguely hear the warning that plays on all your fears. You look to the east for the answer that never seems to arrive. You feel you're just a dancer that's not yet come alive. But it's just a matter of time until the reasons rhyme. After dark there'll come a light then everything's gonna be all right. Right now it may be hard to see that life is more than fantasy. But soon the dawn will shed it's light And then you'll know, it'll be all right. c. Pearl M.
