Keeping Promises to Our Self

2/28/26

Good day, Mortal Angel;

How often do you ask what you can learn from a cruddy circumstance so it can be made into a God-tunity? (God-tunity: giving God the go-ahead to make a seemingly impossible situation His so He can flip it on it’s backside and draw good from it.)

For some of us, Valentine’s Day can be quite the time of – ahem – pissy attitude, shall we say. But God offered a couple opportunities to either throw a snit fit or laugh at myself, as well as a route to learning and healing a bit more. 

I chose those latter options after dabbling in the first.

God used the funeral I went to with my sister on the dreaded Valentine’s Day for His latest lesson in humility. And you know, I really should’ve predicted what was going to happen when on February 12 the thought arose: “Hey! Has it really been almost a year since I last locked the keys in my vehicle?? Woo-hoo! My brain must be getting better at living in the present moment! Yaaaay me!” 

And if I hadn’t been so involved in one of my thrice annual pre-romantic-holiday-&-new-year’s-eve self pity parties it probably would have occurred to me that faint rumble in the distance was God laughing . . . 

At the funeral, since my sibling has physical limitations I parked in a handicap space nice and close to the church. As soon as her car door closed it occurred to me the keys were in my bag in the back seat. What’s so funny is, my friend was kinda upset about it, apologizing in case it was her fault (as if) and I’m like: “Oh puhleeze! It’s been almost a year – it’ll be like seeing an old friend again.”

The doors to the church were propped open during the service when I opened my vehicle’s door after the tow truck driver popped the lock. That set the alarm off and there I stood, in a brain fog, incapable of figuring out how to turn it off. Had to ask the driver what to do, then find the keys in the back seat before mission accomplished. 

I wonder how well that alarming ‘music’ enhanced the ambiance of the funeral? 

Later, after dropping Sister off at her abode I stopped to pick up some post-funeral, pre-sucky-evening with potato chip entree sustenance when wisdom and hope made their selves known. While in the store wisdom came via the reminder “Why don’t you celebrate yourself, Pearl, and the inroads you’ve made to healing and getting so much better at loving others instead?”  Huh. for a lot of us, why don’t we notice our victories more? So c’mon, what are at least five things you’ve done right recently? I’ll wait for you to figure that out . . .

The hope came a few minutes later when espying that great guy. But the moment was downgraded to more of a wistful thinking, colliding with those pesky vast arrays of insecurities and doubts ‘cuz he was talking with someone else. Sniffle. 

What’s so God, though, is the very next day that thought of celebrating self came back to roost, and He provided a tool to do that and pathway to further heal the wounds of the abuses that have kept me from being capable of experiencing a truly caring romantic relationship. The ‘tool’ came via a post-holiday half-off sale, so the cute plush dog holding a red satin heart was affordable, and perfect for the job I didn’t know it had yet.. The pooch was dubbed “L.P.” and is now part of this new trajectory God’s got me on. 

Lord knows, my deepest desire is to be an imperfectly safe, soft, healing space for others, and He’s getting me there by teaching how to be that for myself, too. 

Here’s several of the latest revelations and wisdom on how to heal an abused, crushed spirit and heart. They just may help you, too?

Recently remembered a technique a therapist taught many years ago on how to recognize and reach those wounded, splintered parts of the psyche that are still buried in the subconscious and attempting to make themselves known, usually in dysfunctional ways. Case in point, my mind was getting increasingly confused and couldn’t focus. Nightmares were ramping up and emotions were all over the place; I was always exhausted and compulsively eating more than usual. It finally occurred to me the internal discomfort was some dissociated part of the psyche wanting to be acknowledged. The counselor had said to hold a doll or stuffed animal tenderly, and to comfort it in the ways I wished I had been. It’s amazing how well it can work. After doing that for just a few minutes a day for several days the mind started focusing again, eating became healthier and energy returned. Hallelujah!  

Another way is to keep the positive promises we make to ourselves, like consistently taking better care of our self and/or practicing a hobby that brings us joy and chose to have some innocent fun.  Also, speaking kindness over our lives can be powerful: “The tongue is like a two-edged sword” – it can either heal or hurt depending on what we speak. Why would the splintered off, wounded part of us (‘S.S.’) want to integrate with the ‘executive’ self (‘E.S.’) if ‘E.S.’ hasn’t proven it’s trustworthy, won’t be denigrating (‘S.S. has experienced enough of that already ya know?), and will do what it takes to help that pain-filled, vulnerable, exiled child feel safe and cared for? And that living is actually a good thing? 

Frequently we try to do so much for others to our own detriment because somewhere inside we don’t think we’re worthy of the same consideration, but we are. Until we acknowledge this we’ll continue to be perpetually exhausted and snarly in some way, constantly trying to please others by performing tasks with what seem like good intentions. But we might just be avoiding taking responsibility for our own healing.

This applies to our God given life purpose, too. We could be afraid of the effort it’ll take; failure; what others will say; or do to sabotage us. Or, we may have a ‘need to be appreciated by all’ complex and won’t let others do what’s their fair share because we want all the glory and will get jealous if someone else gets any. 

There are myriads of reasons why we end up avoiding what’s truly important for us to do, leaving a void in the world that was ours to fill. 

For me, avoidance comes by convincing myself I have other things to do, and am too tired or overwhelmed to stay committed to the blocks of time needed to write. But in my heart I know that’s supposed to be the priority, and the disparity creates even more confusion, and exhaustion of spirit.

Is there a nagging sense in your mind or heart that’s telling you there’s something you might be gifted or called to do?  But you don’t want to upset the world, or your comfort zone, by saying no to what others want from you?

Another area Jesus is working on with me is trusting Him – the most loving, powerful, healer and redeemer in the universe. I know He has my best interests at heart, as He does for each of us, but I still feel the powerless need to try to take control and to make sense of everything because if I can’t figure it out then how can I trust He will, and do what’s right? 

(Yeah, there’s no arrogance in that misguided thought is there? But I’m pretty darn sure I’m not the only one who acts like that at times ;)).

He’s been leading me to notice how deep this distrust goes, and I’m mentally hyperventilating over how He can possibly heal it, and trying to believe He is.

So one day when I was ‘journaling with Jesus’ about it, He gave me this image: I was standing on the high platform on a trapeze, without any safety precautions. I terrifyingly leaned forward to fall off the platform even though I couldn’t see Him, while begging Him to catch me. And guess what? He missed! Just kidding :). He was swinging upside down, hanging by His knees on a trapeze bar. His warm, gentle yet incredibly strong hands easily grabbed my fists (!). Even though I was too . . . don’t know what, to be honest, to open up my own hands to hold onto to Him, in His strength alone we were swaying high off the ground without a net. I was shocked He caught me, and even more so that I wasn’t too much for Him. I was (am) secure in Him, and so are you, if we let Him. Thank You, Jesus. 

And you should see what He looked like hanging upside down like that! With His hair flailing all over His face; you’ll giggle a little too if you can let your mind go there. But under all that hair I saw His wide open and loving eyes looking through mine, and His kind, accepting smile.

Another of the ways He’s gently healing the distrust is via a movie, “I Can Only Imagine, Two”. The first time I saw it I was glad the friend I went with didn’t hear well, that way she couldn’t comprehend the sounds of me choking back the (healing) sobs that began about halfway through. 

When journaling afterward it seemed as if Jesus was impressing upon me to watch it as many times as needed to get the full effect of it’s chipping away at yet another shell that has kept the soft, vulnerable part of my heart from freely and deeply inhaling the cleansing breaths of God’s redemption and peace.

I’ve seen the movie three times, and counting. 

I’m not giving up no matter how much I really, really want to at times. And you know what? You, too, are worthy of gifting yourself with persistent faith in a Savior who is far more lovingly powerful than any weakness or stronghold you have. And of keeping those positive promises you’ve made to yourself, if imperfectly; and the patience and effort it takes. You deserve all the love and blessings He has for you, too. 

Amen. 

Happy birthday, Might Mouse. I miss you, and am so grateful to have known you 💜