Letting Go of Faux Friends to Make Way for the Good

10/5/25

G’day glorious being –

(First, wanna mention – Pearl Unchained does not use Messenger; for whatever reason, I haven’t been able to access it. If you do communicate with us that way and a notification comes through about it, I have a couple of friends who can sometimes access the account and let me know what it is. I will then reply via a fb post on your feed related to the message, or by text if possible. If you have our brochure our contact info is on the back, or if we’ve connected via a different method in the past then that’s still a viable way, too.) 

So, how’re ya doing? What are at least three positive things that happened for you this past week? 

Hmmm . . . for me, I have a new ‘pet’, Gabriel. He’s a spider who taught me the arachnophobia wasn’t in complete remission, after all :). But I knew, before the scream he evoked ended, he’d be named and looked after from here on out. (His picture’s below if I remember to add it.) A second good thing about him is he’s very cheap to care for ;).

Also got to see some cute kids in costumes the other day when our group had a table at a Halloween themed event. And another blessing is, more healing is happening while continuing to write the memoir and face the memories and emotions coming up. Tain’t always fun, fer sure, but it’s a good thing. (Or so I keep trying to convince myself! :)) And this just in – my friend’s twin grand babies were born healthy! But their mother’s having a medical issue. If you’re so inclined would you please pray for ’T’ and her babies? Thank you.

Okay God, what would You have me pray for the good person reading this?

Dear Heavenly Abba – I pray Your beloved son or daughter knows their value because of You, Lord, and that it’s unfathomably limitless no matter what they’ve done, has been done to them, or even what they believe. I pray they fully receive their freedom from any guilt or shame that was never their’s to begin with. If they are responsible for any transgression against their selves, another, or You, God, may they know they can confess anything to You with sincerity and surrender, and they are forgiven. If they need to repent, I pray they do it knowing they have Your Grace and wisdom to guide them, so they are set free to live and love fully. In Jesus name, Amen!

And yes, I prayed that for self, too! And surprisingly enough (or not :)) it’s prescient for this post’s topic . . .

There’s a lot of potential change going on for this ministry. I’ve never imagined clearly how it was meant to be to begin with, other than writing in some form or fashion. The details for some of the new opportunities haven’t been hammered out yet but I’m excited to tell a bit about one of them. I’m partnering with Nancy, a friend who recently wrote a fantastic book we sell at our events. It’s about having the courage to get out of a decades long horrible marriage to a narcissist. (Yay her, and God!) She’s now a genuinely joyous, intelligent and faith based woman. After her divorce she began training for (and completing!) marathons and triathlons – while in her fifties!  Now she’s married to a good man who treats her like she deserves. She does life coaching on top of being a chiropractor, perpetually training for competitions, and giving talks across the country. I will be giving more details about this opportunity when I (ahem) remember where I put them. 

Prayers for this and the other potential endeavors please?  

To be honest, one of the reasons I don’t want to write many details about any of this until they’re solidified is due to a former faux ‘friend’, who I used to help with her nonprofit. I learned a lot from her and I’m grateful for that, but there were many red flags I kept ignoring for ‘the greater good’ of her ministry and friendship. I also thought being a comrade of hers would prove my value since I didn’t think I had much on my own. Also, I’m pretty sure none of us are perfect and probably everyone throws out a red flag or two at times – especially me! (It’s why I stay on the healing journey and keep apologizing until I learn better.) And there’s a possibility she’s faced some of her issues too, and is not the same person she used to be.

One of the red flags was, she would frequently take other people’s ideas and claim them for her own. The lesser mortals’ proposals were immediately dismissed when they mentioned them to her, and the people didn’t stand much of a chance to defend their ‘intellectual property’ when several weeks later she’d claim ‘the Lord gave her’ the exact same inspiration.

Among other things she also insisted I was not to volunteer for anyone other than her, not even to start work towards my own life purpose. And she was clear we would never work together if I did get a ministry going. 

When we had a major falling out over another issue I was actually relieved when it became apparent we would no longer be working together. 

I’ve never regretted the break even though I had to fully accept we weren’t the friends I thought we were, as well as losing the association with such a ‘powerful’ person. She’s also sabotaged this ministry a few times. She even organized a human trafficking awareness event after she showed up at one of ours. Back when I was volunteering for her she told a few of us she had no intention of ever getting involved with that aspect of human trauma. 

But I believe the relationship had to end anyway because I would not have had the time and open space in my life for the ministry we have now, and the good people who are helping me learn to fly as we work together and build each other up.

The last blog post was about learning to accept people where they’re at; if they’re not being abusive or doing anything illegal then let them be their self. But there’s another aspect I forgot to mention but you may already know:

Even if someone isn’t abusive it doesn’t mean we have to keep them in our lives. By letting go of people who never (or rarely) had our best interests at heart we make room, and time, for those who will.

It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn, and in some cases, from the other side, too. I don’t always know how to respond to some of the simplest or kindest overtures in the moment, nor make time for friends; I regret when they get the impression I don’t care. Been trying to figure out how to keep up with the changes in life and not always doing a decent job of it. I apologize to those I’ve hurt in this process; I am learning to do better.  

A part of the healing struggle has also been learning to accept who I am in spite of the ‘trauma brain’ and other issues God and I have been working on healing. I frequently compare myself to others; it could be to that faux friend’s successes; people’s ability to learn, remember, be so easily social, overtly caring; and their capability of responding to others and situations well, and in a quick, timely fashion. 

Needless to say, that’s not always the case for me and it can provoke hopelessness and feelings of inferiority.

I can also allow others’ judgement of my own inadequacies, especially the trauma brain issues, keep me denying what I am capable and worthy of.

A couple people have let me know recently they apparently think I should remain in a corner, buried under the shame of the past. They perceive the way my brain works as too big a blemish to do anything useful, instead of recognizing what I’m doing in spite of it. And, appreciating the good people around me who not only support what we’re accomplishing together, they also help fill in the blanks when the brain is blinking, instead of holding it against me. (Thank you, kind humans! You’re teaching me how to do the same for others.) What’s kinda funny is, one of those ‘judgers’ is a lady I advocated for to be allowed to help out at events when a (real) friend thought it might not be a good idea.  

Ha ha ha, and, ouch! I let those negative perceptions get to me and add doubt to the self-worth, and what I am capable of.

So I asked a wise woman to pray with me about this.

As she was praying she mentioned I’m just as valuable as anyone else, even with ‘trauma brain’, PTSD, DID, etc. and I‘m the one who needs to accept that. 

I don’t have to associate with who I mistakenly consider better than me in order to justify my existence and purpose. We’re worthy (including you!) just as we are, even if our mis-takes and imperfections aren’t like ‘theirs’.

God is greater than whatever our weaknesses are, and far more powerful than those who use them to their advantage, try to sabotage us, think they diminish us, or hold us down. We make idols out of those we think improve our stature by association, or intimidate us, as well as when we make our wounds and fears bigger than God because He doesn’t respond to our exact specifications.

It’s time to let those idols go so He can take over and do His all-loving and powerful, transforming work in our lives. He’s bringing the right people, support, opportunities and provision at the right time for us, individually, since He created each one of us uniquely. We can imperfectly live our purpose with love and peace, while He works through our humility and weaknesses to show His strength, love, abilities and power through them.

Thank You, God! Amen.

Gabriel 🙂