Mon. 12/7/20
(Please see the “Dissociation” post dated 10/11/20 (if needed) for clarification of who L.P. and Michael are.)
Hello Good Person – glad you’re here!
How is your day going?
Have you ever had dreams that tell you where you’re going or what you need to work on in your life/mind/heart?
I had a dream just recently that predicted what the next issue I’ll be working on is. It took place at an animal rescue. I was petting a very gentle rabbit that was in a cage. There were quite a few other small animals there, as well as a dog on a leash that was snarling and snapping at others. A man I didn’t recognize was trying to control the dog but he didn’t know what he was doing, he was barely keeping the hound from nipping someone.
I was going to adopt an animal and in spite of not really wanting to take him on because I just didn’t want to deal with the beautiful beast’s issues, I knew it would be the dog. The man who was trying to control him didn’t understand why the canine was like he was and didn’t care to learn. I intuitively understood that the dog had been hurt by humans. He was afraid and only pretending to be aggressive to protect himself. It would take some time, trial and error on my part, but I knew I had enough love, faith and empathy to patiently and gently reach through the pup’s defenses to get him to trust me enough to help him heal.
(Just had a revelation while editing this post – the way to heal the pup is loosely similar to how a romantic partner would probably have to work with me to heal my defensiveness. I’ve often wondered (or maybe ‘obsessed about’ would be more accurate :)), if Great Guy was trying to do that? Or is this just wishful thinking on my part? This has been the ongoing “Internal Great Debate”.)
The rabbit represents Little Pearl and how I am making peace with and accepting her gentle and loving nature. Tenderly petting her shows I’m learning to love and treat her like she deserves. (Thank God!) Since the rabbit was still in a cage it signifies that L.P. isn’t fully unified with rest of the psyche yet. With the tears cried this morning and the God awful feelings that came with them, I know the integration is occurring and the process is being hindered by Michael’s protective anger (the snarling dog), which is now the priority to work on.
(As an aside – if you see me walking up the street you may want to cross to the opposite side of the road! As mentioned in previous posts, I don’t always know when Michael is going to raise his snarling head, which will occur more frequently for a while. If we do meet and start talking, please don’t take it personally if I make a snarky comment – it’s more about what’s going on inside of me as opposed to anything concerning you. Please accept my apologies now and apply them later if we do run into each other, o.k.? :))
Something else is also going on as far as Michael is concerned. He’s essentially fighting to keep his own segregated section of the mind. He’s been too comfortable there for far too long and he doesn’t want to give that up. Like with the dog in the dream, I’m learning how to lovingly listen to, accept, work with and love Michael so he can heal his wounds, too. As that process is happening he’ll be integrating into the rest of my psyche and I’ll be better able to temper his residual defensiveness because all the other aspects of my mind will be working together with him as a cohesive unit. Does that make sense?
I’ll be honest, I’m scared to face Michael with his angry self protectiveness and having to remember all he’s kept secret for so many years. What’s amazing though, is when I feel daunted and wonder if this is all worth it God will send encouragement. Today it happened twice. Once via my two prayer warrior friends who each contacted me because they sensed I was having problems. (Thank you for your prayers!) The other was through Pastor Stephen Furtick. Have you heard of him? He’s the head pastor at Elevation Church and he has a show on t.v. and videos on you tube. He also produces “1 Minute Motivation” daily emails that I subscribe to. Today it was about learning to connect with others. His words, “One thing I know, the danger of isolation is greater than the risk of intimacy. And this dude decides, I’d rather die trying to be made whole than spend the rest of my life hiding pieces and parts of myself and never really connecting” explain my motivation so succinctly. For years my credo was “I don’t need anybody God, I just need You” (more on this later). As my heart is healing I am realizing an ever deepening desire for human connections. I now have good friends I am learning to connect heart to heart with, and I will experience the love of a God Given Great Guy when the time is right, when I am better able to give all the love and kindness that I deserve to receive. I have faith, so I am doing what it takes on my part to achieve these goals, and God is doing the rest. It’s what I’m worthy of, and so are you. I’m getting there, that’s for sure. If you’re not ‘there’ already, would you care to join me on this part of the journey?
Thank you, God, for all the people who allow You to work through them to encourage others. They’re all needed by someone.
Looking forward to next time! I’ll be praying for you until then. Please let me know if there is something specific you’d like prayer for?
Today’s poem was written when I was in my early 20’s. I am amazed once again about how, on a conscious level, I was in complete denial about all I’d been through and how it effected me, yet what I wrote was spot on about my inner, as yet unrecognized, truth. It was titled “Little Girl” but I changed it to “Little Pearl” .
Little Pearl Running from the nightmares, hiding from the fear. Hoping to find the answers where it doesn’t hurt to dare. You know that answers can’t be around where questions are afraid to be found. It seems so easy to run and hide but Little Pearl, you’ve got to find. Little Pearl, what’re you so afraid of? Little Pearl, flying like a dove Little Pearl just take my hand and together we’ll find what we can. Sometimes it seems you’re just too meek to reach for the golden ring. Sometimes it seems I’m just too staid to hear the fairies sing. So maybe, together, hand in hand we’ll reach where only we can. And together we’ll stand side by side and neither will have to hide. Little Pearl, what am I so afraid of? Little Pearl, flying up above, Little Pearl, together hand in hand ~ we’re claiming all that we can. c. Pearl E. M.
