Perception, & Owning Our Truth

10/22/22

Hello Beautiful/Handsome you!

How’re your days going?  

Last week I asked what your superpower(s) is (are), and I’m reiterating it this week. It’s something I really hope you can define for yourself – your strengths, and which the greatest of those are.

I didn’t answer last week because I couldn’t figure it out for myself!  I have positive qualities and abilities, just not confident which one(s) would rise above any strong adversity.  Oh! perseverance – because as God knows, I certainly wouldn’t be where I’m at – and where I’m going – without it. I won’t give up on myself, nor you if you ever need encouragement.  (Perseverance = hope in action doesn’t it?  I’ll claim that! :))

I love God’s assurance of how not giving up leads to victory – it’s what’s kept me going when I really, really, really didn’t want to.  One of His promises about this in the Bible is in the book of Isaiah, chapter 41, verse 10:  “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my VICTORIOUS right hand.”  

Thank You, God; I’ve been leaning on You and Your promises quite a bit! I’m (thankfully!) learning to trust You more and more, hallelujah!

As mentioned in the previous post, so much has been going on lately.   There’s also a ‘big’ (for me!) zoom event coming up this Monday (10/24/22) that you can be a part of! I’ll get to that in a minute.

I’ve been realizing, again, how my perception of how things are can be a bit different from what they really are. Do you ever do that? 

First example . . . 

There’s been someone at the park where I like to walk who I had determined was a great guy I know, but now recently realized that (at least sometimes) it’s  been ‘The Twit’, a fisherman who scared the crap out of me last year.  

‘The twit’ had dressed completely in black and was lurking in the shadows of an early, dark, rainy, morning. He must’ve forgotten the lights on the pedals of his bike were faintly flashing; when he realized they were on, he pointed the lights down and tried to hide them with his foot, but I’d noticed by then.  Otherwise he was completely silent and still, about 6-8 feet in front of and facing me.  When I realized he was there, I said, “that’s not impressive” (meaning, “you pathetic a**hole”) and he so quietly replied with ‘bitch’.  Thank God, someone sitting in a car nearby chose that moment to get out of their vehicle (my hero) and I was able to quickly walk to a well lit area. (I don’t walk in the dark anymore.)

Totally different type of person than I’d hoped it was, for sure!

Another recent experience of my perception being heartbreakingly off is . . .

Last April I sent a letter to the male who is still alive and was the ring leader for the second era of childhood hell. (It was first written about in the post “Reality vs. Fantasy” dated 2/16/21, then continued with posts dated 2/23/21, 3/2/21, and 3/9/21.) I also sent letters to the ‘next generation’, whom I love but distanced myself from while healing and trying to get to my truth. (As was written about at the end of April through May 3, 2022)

Anyway, someone from ‘the next generation’ whom I’ve always held deep in my heart, ‘D’ recently told ‘A’, that the reason D never responded to a message I sent is because they’re still mad at me for what I did. (The next sentence could be fabrication on A’s part since they {perhaps unintentionally} can be manipulative if they think it will create the outcome they decide to be right in their denial of the truth.) A said that D added it would be ok if I kept reaching out to them; they just don’t want to respond right now because they don’t want to hurt me (I assume, with their anger and/or disbelief).  

The pain hit my heart so hard I blurted, “I’m the one who survived hell to begin with, and I’m the one who keeps paying the dues.”  (The ring leaders of both hells – the child molesters, rapists, pimps and pornographers – are still esteemed by others.)

‘A’ was quick to correct me with: “You don’t know they’re mad at you! They didn’t say that!”

I reiterated to A what A just said, and A still insisted D never implied they were angry.  (Hmmm . . . in your opinion, who has the faulty perception here?)

Before I had reached out to others of the ‘next generation’ a couple of weeks ago to give them some news I knew they’d want, I had thought that maybe these relationships were re-establishing, but they haven’t responded to me, either.  

This causes me to face the truth that things haven’t changed; I’m still the enemy. Good to know this even if it does hurt so much because it’s the only way to move on.  I can now quit worrying so much about how I speak/write about the people who were so horrifically abusive.  I was concerned that if there was a reconciliation and I had ‘told too much’ then that would hurt those who may or may not be innocent, and it would ruin any reconciliation.  

I don’t  want to speak out in anger and retaliation though, so I get to figure out where the truth ends and spite begins.  

We’ll see if I figure this out before publicly giving my testimony on Monday, October 24, 2022 at 7:30 EDT, via Zoom with WAR (Women At Risk) International.  Once a month they have a “Light Up Your World” zoom meeting where a survivor tells their truth, and anyone can join in the conversation with a link WAR provides with notices on their website, facebook and other platforms.  (The link for Zoom is:  https://bit.ly/WARmeetup ).  The description of the event is on WAR International’s website now, under the “Upcoming Events” tab.

Trying not to get too all atwitter about this, but at times the anxiety makes itself felt.  So grateful that a good friend who’s also an awesome prayer warrioress, will be here to pray with before the event and to be support for the evening. Thank you, ‘K’.

See you Monday?  Otherwise, I’ll meet you here again with the next post! Until then, I hope you notice some wonderful things for you!

Since this is the Halloween time of year, here’s a freaky version of the Edgar Winter Group’s “Frankenstein”.  After 50 years, it’s still a great song!   

Thank you for this u-tube video, Matthew Fuggi!