Resurrecting Our True Value in the Light and Love That’s God

3/31/26

Hello Valued Person –

Do you believe in God, Jesus or another ‘Higher Power’? If so, how do you envision the Mighty Being? 

Hadn’t realized until recently, in spite of knowing we have a loving Heavenly Father God, I didn’t fully perceive Him as such and didn’t trust Him completely. 

I’d always picture Him in the form of a mortal man, usually with some features of the earthly ‘father’, who was one of the first abusers and pimps. That visage of God would sometimes lead to horrible intrusive images of Him forcing me to do things the mortal(s) did. Couldn’t comprehend how much that was effecting my perception of Him until being blessed with this image while doing a guided meditation that refers to seeing Him in His Heavenly realms. 

He appeared as a beautiful, gentle, bright-but-not-blinding, glowing, pulsating, uncontaminated white light with silvery glints and opalescent qualities. It’s hard to describe in words the immense love, compassion and benevolence emanating from Him, and the personal, non-malevolent interest He had for me, as He does for you, too. 

Not that long ago a friend who’s also survived some childhood crud asked: “Do you feel the like everything is sexualized?” I couldn’t respond “yes!” fast enough. It’s one more reason why I’ve been so leery of everything. It’s not that I think I’m ‘all that’; it’s a deep, unrelenting sense of shame that permeates everything and stems from being a child who, long before she even knew what ‘good-looking/sexy’ was, was used in such sexually debasing ways. I learned, it’s never about how good a person looks because how could a child in diapers (and any age) be intentionally and irresistibly ‘alluring’? Sex abuse and trafficking are about the malevolent acts of sadistic/angry people who get off on degrading someone, and nothing else.

With this new image of Abba/God, for the first time in my life I didn’t feel that unshakeable shame. Instead, there was a sense I was pure and Holy in His sight, and He had absolutely no intention of stealing that innocence from me. 

This is how you are to Him, too.

He’s now resurrecting that intrinsic deep value I never consciously knew was there to begin with, let alone forgot and always deserved. It’s mine and always will be, only because I am His beloved child, as are you.

There was a non-coercing, eternal invitation to draw closer to Him. I knew there was nothing to fear here, so the child (& adult :)) version of me ran to Him with glee and open arms, crawled up on His lap and let Him hold me as a child who has never known the pain an earthly father can inflict upon her. It was so pure. I’ve never felt secure in any way, at any time in life but here, I was. I knew what ‘safe’ meant, and didn’t have the urge to run, escape, or be hyper-vigilant. 

Wow! Never knew what I was missing, and now I never want to forget what security feels like.

Now when I pray with Him that’s how I see Him, as this beautiful, benevolent ball of Light, Life and Love. It’s actually one of the descriptions of God in the Bible (The Gospel of John, Chapter 1). 

This view of Him has made so much difference. I’m able to allow him deeper into the most vulnerable recesses of the heart wounds to heal in ways I had given up on and/or didn’t even know were needed. I’m beginning to know, not with just brain acknowledgement but with a deep, abiding, knowing, my true infinite value just because of who I am in God, and nothing and no one else.

On this latest leg of this healing journey, I’ve been noticing what appears to be opportunities where there’ll be one new experience, like with ministry possibilities, then no more. Or other areas in life where possibilities are wrapped in some form of darkness or ‘shape shifting’ so to speak; what may or may not be similar chances are not presented in the same way twice. There’s no forewarning and no way to confirm what they are nor who or what is presenting it. Frequently there’s a sense of urgency and I feel I must make a split second decision or the chance is gone forever. I’m left with more confusion, concern and doubt, than peace. 

So I asked one of the pastors I respect: “How can I know what’s of God? It’s never God I doubt, it’s  my own ability to know what’s of HIM and not ego, fear, past experiences, mental distorting filters or wishful thinking.” I love his reply: “Don’t look at the confusion, look above it and see God there. Wait for Him and His peace to inform you.” 

Combined with what I just learned so beautifully about God being Light, I’m (imperfectly) learning (finally) anything that doesn’t have these qualities is either a ‘not yet’ or ‘not for me.’ And my life is worth taking the time needed to figure it out, as is yours.

With now knowing who I am because of God, and nothing and no-one external, I’m done exhaustively chasing after answers that aren’t yet visible or perhaps don’t even want to be caught because I didn’t think I was worthy of resting in Him and letting Him bring enlightenment and peace for what’s right. I’m still a work in progress about this, and so grateful to have taken all these years of time and effort to learn. I’m worth all of it, and so are you.

Thank You God. Amen!

*

I’ve seen the movie “I Can Only Imagine, Two” quite a few times now. It spoke to and healed my heart a little bit more each time and I’m missing not being able to see it now that it’s out of theaters.

The three bands represented in it, MercyMe, Tim Timmons and Sam Wesley, are touring together along with Big Daddy Weave. And as much as I still love my rock music, Christian music like this is right up there with it now. This line-up of musicians is a dream come true so God, my sister and I made the opportunity to go see them. 

There was an added bonus of quite literally running into a couple members of the groups when I was at the top and staring down the personal terror of a ‘down’ escalator.😱 They‘re just as humble and fun in person as they appear onstage and in interviews. 

(I got out of their way and took the steps instead; next time I’ll conquer ‘escalaphobia’ :))

This was the second time in six months to see Big Daddy Weave in concert, and I’d see them again if possible. One of their songs, “Redeemed” seems to be my biography and when hearing it live its benevolent energy is intensified. 

"Redeemed"

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight that's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, oh I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

Writer(s): Howard Benjamin Cowart, Michael David Weaver

Thank You Jesus; because of Your resurrection we are redeemed.

God bless you, dear reader!