Tuesday, 2/16/21
This post could contain triggers for some people.
Fantasy is one of the ways Grace would survive hell.. On the left side of the page is an example of what would actually happen. On the right side of the page is an example of the fantasy my psyche would simultaneously conjure up to try to ‘make tolerable’ in the moment what seemed intolerable.
Reality vs Fantasy
In my mind the reality seeps
into my psyche as one by one they creep.
Their hands are rough, for why would they care?
They each take their turn, leaving bruises and burn
As my body and soul endures this hell
My mind makes a break out of it’s shell.
this time will be different, people will care
and come to my aid once the coast is clear.
These acts of depravity against me
break me in ways no one cares to see
and he who was supposed to care instead shared
a trusting child with his pals for warped pleasure
the torture goes on and on so in my mind
the fantasy turns dark to fit the crime
the rescuers become guilty . . . they start to stare
at imagined beauty as they draw near. . .
That day’s torment ends but it never leaves
And like times before it is now sheathed
in shadows of the mind and validates
. . . from a father to his son, There is no cure.
but when their acts are done remorse kicks in
they opt to help and vow never again
they cover my brokenness with blankets of care
and within this fantasy, they heal dry tears.
Can Grace save me?
Someday I’ll see, He already has. He shed my tears for me.
c. Pearl E. M.
We’ll begin to unpack this post on Tuesday of next week.
I have to add that in spite of what I’ve felt for all these decades, what I KNOW for sure is, all that happened to me is NOT who I am. (My heart is till working on receiving that message, but it’s going deeper all the time, thank God!) I hope that if you’ve ever been intentionally hurt by someone else you already know this and if you don’t, then you’ll allow yourself to begin to let that immutable truth of how infinitely valuable you truly are, in. Amen!
This Friday, well, we’ll see what’s posted then – even I don’t know yet! 🙂
