The Dress (and Self) I Claim

Fri. 7/16/21

(The picture above is an on-line catalog picture of a Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit brand dress.)

Not that long ago I went clothes shopping for the first time since the covid shut down.  Went looking for the usual jeans and casual tops but kinda craved for something more, you know?  

Then I saw ‘it’, a beautiful white dress . . . and thought it was too good for me. 

I perceived it as a garment of innocence – to be worn to be baptized in, make a first Holy Communion in, to be married in.

Three things I’ve experienced but either didn’t receive them into my heart due to the inability to believe I deserved them, (the first two) or made a poor choice because I thought it was all I deserved (the latter).

I’m asking for, and anticipating, do-overs. 

I’ll be baptized again, as a free woman who now knows she is worthy to be a member of a TRULY loving (and imperfect) Christian family.  

I’m choosing to make a new Holy Communion, for the memory since I don’t remember the first time, and also as a self-accepting, worthy, work-in-progress-woman ‘made new’ by a redeeming Savior.  

I’m believing that I’ll marry again in spite of the terror I sometimes feel when thinking of that possibility.  This time it’s a marriage of two committed, imperfect hearts uniting in real, blessed, ever deepening love & fun!

And even though I don’t know with who (although, if you’ve been reading this blog you know who I hope for!), how, or when yet, I KNOW this will all happen because I KNOW my Higher Power wants to heal me (and YOU) in all the ways we’ve been wounded.  I am (learning) I am worthy, and am opening up to gratefully receive all types of love and healing. (Ok, that romantic type of love is lagging a bit behind, but I KNOW a breakthrough is imminent.) If you need it, I hope you reach for your healing.  I’ll support you ‘cuz you’re worthy, too. And if you don’t yet know Him, my God has more than enough love to give for all of us. He does NOT condone evil, and He’s always here to help us heal from it as we’re receptive to it. (Probably won’t be instantaneous, but that can happen.)

The Dress (and self) I Claim
 
 I see you, White Dress, hanging on a rack,
 a pure white sheath with white lace overlay.
 The internal shame screams, “I’m too used, turn back,
 I’m unworthy of your beauty,  walk away”
 
 To me, you symbolize the innocence of 
 baptism, communion, loving union of two hearts.
 And in spite of the internal shaming remarks -
 I reach for you to affirm a purified heart.
 
 I boldly take you to a dressing room to see
 if you would confirm I’m holy, worthy and clean.
 Shame expects to laugh at the incongruity 
 of you covering my flesh.  It should remain unseen.
 
 While putting you on my heart starts crying,
 because I know my value yet doubt my worth.
 I hear the lies of abuse, and have to keep minding -
 allow self, love, and truth to be reimbursed.
 
 The tide is turning, self rejection is rejected
 The lies are seeping out as the truth sinks in
 Their shame is ejected as love is selected.
 The dress has come home, its mine.  Love wins.
 
c. Pearl E. M.

I’ll be back on Tuesday to tell about getting out of the marriage.  (A continuation of last Tuesday’s post.)  Until then, I hope you claim the self love you deserve (if you haven’t already).  You are worthy.